The Club
by Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: What's a girl to do when the only men out there are sleazy or married? Where can a young single go the meet up for some fun in a controlled environment? This is The Club.Rose introduces her room mates Bella and Alice to a place of pleasure, and hot guys.M
1. Chapter 1

The Club

by anonymous author (not me).

Chapter 1

The Rules

Bella's POV

"So, it's a brothel?"

"No, it's not a brothel. It's a club."

"Where people meet up randomly for sex with unknown partners?"

"Yes. No money changes hands."

"So, still a brothel."

"No, it's not a brothel. You have to be a member. You have to pay a yearly fee. You have to submit for health checks regularly and you have to shut the fuck up about it. You remember the first rule of Fight Club? Same here."

"Yearly fee? So, money changes hands?"

"Bella, you pay to be a member. Nobody there gets paid. It's an adult environment for adults seeking relief from the stress of the real world. That's why its called Alternate Universe. And as I can't tell anyone about it unless I am sure they will join, now I have to kill you."

I huffed and lay across my bed.

Maybe this type of fuckery suited Rose, but no way was I joining a club to have sex with randoms. Wasn't that what bars were for?

"Why not just hook up on a dance floor or a bar?"

"Because they are not safe. Every member of The Club has a background check, by the freaking FBI probably. And you need to be personally known to a member of over one years membership, who vouches for you. If you are accepted, then they will be watching me as well as you. If you do anything wrong, I get kicked out too. So don't join if it's not want you want to do."

"You have been going for a year?"

"Or longer."

"But you don't get to know who you are fucking?"

"Well, you soon learn to recognize parts of them, if you know what I mean."

"Rose! My God! I cannot believe you are the same shy little Rosalie Hale I went to High School with who never had a single date."

"Yeah. Well, waiting until college, meeting the 'right' boy, doing everything the right way, look where that got me."

She paled as she remembered her disastrous engagement to Royce. The perfect A grade student, leader of all the clubs including the abstinence club. He met and dated Rose until she gave him her virginity and wanted to get engaged and he then arranged a little get together with some of his buddies to have them 'break her in properly and teach her what men really wanted ' for him.

She was so lucky not to be gang raped or even killed.. She was just fortunate there were two boys, brothers, from college who knew Royce and didn't trust him. They had appeared to want to join in and the big one had beaten the others half to death when it became obvious what was going to happen.

Apparently they were all for random sex but never rape and Royce has probably never had sex again.

The other brother took Royce for a drive and when he was found, wandering along the highway far out of town, he was not a pretty sight. Nobody says much at all about Royce these days. I think he joined a priesthood.

Rose spent a week in hospital in shock and afterwards, she was determined any sex she had from that point on would be on her terms only

I knew she went to a club and I knew she was having sex but I had no idea this was her solution.

Out third flatmate, Alice, had gone the more conventional route and visited a male prostitute each week. Or as she called him, 'her boy'. We had never met him and probably never would but he kept her happy and she managed to appear virginal at college and I am sure nobody even suspected.

They all thought she had an out of town boyfriend.

Not out of town and not boyfriend.

I hate the entire thought of having 'a relationship'. They are for suckers who live in an imaginary world were two people meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. never seen that happen, myself.

My parents were madly in love for the entire time they were in high school and college. The perfect couple.

They were married straight out of college, had me and were divorced by the time I was two. Happy ever after? Doesn't happen.

And to make it worse, my mom has been married five times now and every fiance has been "The One" and every husband has turned out to be "The Wrong Man".

My dad is even worse. he never got over her. He has never looked at another woman. See, he is smart. He knows theres no happy ending.

Our extended family get togethers are a crazy fuck up as we have Moms exes and soon to be's and my aunts three ex husbands and my uncles four wives and various cousins whom I forget came from which marriage. half sisters, step brothers, they have them all.

If I could just be a nun, I would be but my darn ladies parts call for regular attention and small plastic devices get old. I need a real life man so I go to bars and sensibly select the best looking one and bring him home, never go to his place. Too many images of Royce and his buddies.

Rose gets all uptight and insists I get their address and phone number and car rego number and text it to her so she has the relevant details if anything happens to me.

Alice thinks I am being way too risky and insane and has even begged me to hook up with 'her boy' which is a major concession.

But I don't need a prostitute.

I dress myself for once seeing its the boys night and Alice has gone, and Rose is off at The Club, shudder, and I have the apartment to myself.

Mike Newton suggested we come to 'an arrangement" and become friends with benefits but I kind of doubt a guy who cant call a fuckbuddy by its real name is really just looking for sex. I know he fancies me and I do not fancy him and what do you do when fuckbuddies turn bad?

The bar is rocking and the music is loud and there are plenty of people on the dance floor, practically having sex in front of everyone else. I hate that, can't they 'get a room' as the saying goes.

Oh no, creep at nine o'clock.

"So, baby girl, I like that dress on you but it would look better on my bedroom floor."

Really?

I push past him and head for the bar and try to attract the bar tenders attention.

"May I buy you a drink?' says obviously married man on barstool to my right. He is all neat and tidy and desperate and I think of the wife sitting at home waiting for this creep.

"Nice wedding ring" I comment and he puts his hand in his pocket and eases it off.

"Oh, um, I am divorced."

"Yeah, so you still wear the wedding ring."

Creep.

He opens his wallet to pay the bar tender and a photo of him with wife and three kids stares at me.

I grab his wallet.

"Oh how cute. Three little kiddies waiting at home with Mommy while Daddy fucks around on them."

He has the decency to blush and he grabs his wallet back.

"Three girls. I bet you can't wait for them to grow up and get married and get cheated on."

He gives up and walks out.

Good.

Go home.

I look around and some drunken idiots are laughing and eyeing me off and making crude remarks and suddenly, Rose's club is starting to appeal.

I give up and head for the door.

"So, baby girl, want a fuck?"

I so want to answer "Sure but not with you" but it would be asking for trouble.

I head home and dig out my latest model in female relief appliances.

I hear tears at bedtime when Alice comes home.

"Whats happened, Ali?"

"My boy is getting married" she wails.

Shit. What a fucker of a day.

"Are you going to try another ,um, boy? He must have friends." I ask.

"Nope. I am joining Rose's club thing and so should you. Maybe we can try it and see if we hate it? Do they do the 'first three lessons free' thing?"

I laugh.

"I don't think so, sweetie."

I grab a bottle and two glasses and we spend the night commiserating with each other over our pathetic love lives.

"How do we join? Can Rose take two new members?"

"I don't think she had a brochure" I slur.

Starting to feel good all over now.

I pass out on the couch with Ali beside me and we don't wake until late the next morning.

Rose is up, all smiles and bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"We surrender" says Ali.

"You want to join?"

"Yep. Both of us."

"Great. We can get the ball rolling today."

"Ball rolling, I want lots of ball rolling" chirps Alice.

God, this girl. Drinks all night and stays cold stone sober then wakes up blathered.

"Come on, Ali, time you went to bed" I say and help her to her bedroom and tuck her in.

My head aches like a bitch and I cook breakfast for Rose and I.

"So, Rose, if you meet like, your ideal man, can you meet up outside The Club?"

She blushes a little and looks away before she answers.

"I suppose so. The rules are simply you join, you attend as often as you like, you don't shout your mouth off unless you are sure whoever you are telling will join. And you get the paperwork and medical done then they text you the location."

"Like a rage?"

"Yep. They have to stay one step ahead of the law. Its a legal club but they don't want any trouble."

"So, how does it work?"

"The girls choose a category based on what they want to do and sit in a room behind the old two way mirror holding a number. If a guy chooses you, you get told a room number and he meets you there. Every second night is Ladies choice and the boys get to sit with the numbers."

God, how humiliating if nobody chooses you.

I am not sure now I like this.

"Bella, they limit the number of each gender to keep things even so everyone gets someone and as one person goes, another replaces her in the room. So if anyone notices its taken a long time for you to get chosen, its because she has, too."

Hmm. Maybe I will give it a go.

"No kinky stuff, right? Just straight sex?"

"If that is what you choose."

"So, how kinky?"

"Threesomes, voyeurs, tantric, guy on guy, girl on girl, but you choose. Nobody ever does anything you didn't sign up for. There are plenty of security guards and any troublemakers are out and banned. The Alternate Universe doesn't give second chances."

"So, if I go and I hate it?"

"Don't go back, silly. Its not compulsory to attend for goodness sake."

"Will I get a refund?"

"No, you won't get a refund. I don't think anyone has ever asked for a refund."

"Do you...are you allowed to ask for the same guy regularly?"

"On Ladies nights."

"Can he refuse?"

"That would be pretty mean of him. It's not a marriage or dating service, its a hook up joint."

"So no happy ever afters?"

"No, Bella. Just your scene. Nobody goes with the hope of meeting Mr Right. Just Mr Right Now."

I like the sound of that.

"What if some guy I don't like keeps asking for me?"

"Then only go on Ladies Nights. That way you are choosing, not him."

Hmm. Better and better.

And if I only go on Ladies Nights, I will not be the wall flower, sitting there unchosen. I will be in control.

"Okay, fine. Sign me up, Scotty".

"Do you think Ali wants to join too, seriously?" asks Rose.

"Sure. Her boy got married, or is getting married."

"How weird. Prostitutes get married?"

"Oh why the hell not? Should their job choice exclude them from their chance of happiness, seriously?"

"Hey, at least you would know he would be good in the sack,and don't think I didn't notice, Bella, you just said marriage was a chance at happiness!"

"I concede maybe there's a chance, just a chance with very long odds."

So, we fill in forms and have our background check done, causing my boss to raise a beady eye at me as he fills in the required information.

"What's this for, again, Bella?"

"Um, a club. Its really exclusive."

"Hm, must be. What's it called?"

"i don't know. I think its some political thing. Rose wants me to join."

"Oh right. I love politics, see if she can get me in."

Yeah, be right onto that.

That would be the very last place on earth I would want to come face to face with my boss.

**A/N Please review if you want more because I take down those not being read by many people (otherwise known as nobody at all). I like ten readers per story. Cheers.**


	2. Chapter 2

**For Mandee, because she insists I write even when delirious. Blame her. This is not going anywhere near where I expected it to.**

The Club

Chapter 2

EPOV

"Coming to the club tonight, Edward?"

"Gee, Emmett, what do you think my answer is? You ask me every single night and I give you the same response every single night. I do not do hookers and that's all that club is, a cover for hookers."

"How can they be hookers when we don't have to pay them?"

"Let's see, Em. They give you a freebie and arrange to meet you elsewhere later and then you have to pay them. That makes them hookers."

"Wrong. Rose isn't a hooker. I meet her elsewhere later and she never asks me for money."

"Emmett, why don'y you just man the hell up and date the woman? Jasper has told me you two go and choose each other every night. Why go through the club? Just meet her somewhere, take her to dinner, go on a date. It's what normal people do."

"Oh right, like you, Edward? When did you last go on a date? You go out so rarely we are wondering if you are gay."

"If I was gay I would go out more, you ass. I am studying to be a doctor. It's a tiny bit more involved than your arts degree you realize? This is my last year as a resident and my last year of extra study and I am done. Fully qualified. Then I can date."

"Rose won't date me."

"What?"

"Rose doesn't date. The only way I can be with her is to choose her at the club then sometimes she meets me for a drink later."

"Why doesn't Rose date?"

"Edward, I haven't told you something about Rose."

"I am listening."

"Rose is that girl"

"That girl?"

"The girl Royce Duncan planned to have gang raped."

"Shit."

"Yeah, shit."

"Does she know you..."

"No, she doesn't know it was me who smashed those fuckers up. She was in shock. She never saw me really. But she chose me the first night at the club because I was well built and could protect her."

"How long have you and she been choosing each other?"

"About, what, fourteen months."

"Emmett, that is seriously fucked up. You need to get her to talk to someone. Does she 'choose' any other men at the club?"

"What? No, she isn't a hooker, Edward."

"So, you two are meeting every night, for sex, but not dating, at a sex club? And I am the abnormal one?"

"Yeah. Why did you join if you never plan to go?"

"I joined to shut you the hell up and stop you nagging me to join."

"Well at least Jasper uses his membership."

"Yeah and lets pretend we don't hear Jasper come home afterwards and cry in the shower."

"Yeah, what's with that?"

"Emmett, he is mourning. He lost his wife. When Maria died, he was left alone and he can't move on yet so he gets his sexual needs met anonymously at the club and then cries because its cold and impersonal and not Maria and he hasn't moved on. I think what he does is very self destructive but he won't listen to me."

Emmett took off early and was his usual over eager self, desperate to spend time with Rose. He had elaborated further on the pseudo relationship he and Rose shared and I was surprised to learn,most nights they didn't actually have sex. They just wanted to be together so many nights he simply held Rose in his arms and they talked about their childhoods and schooldays and work and friends and just were together.

I could see a time in the not so distant future when the club would no longer be needed by them at all. Maybe he should start slow and just bring her here after a club meeting, for a drink. I will suggest it. Wean her off her need to meet there slowly and gradually.

Shorter, less frequent club visits, longer more frequent visits here, then eliminate the club altogether.

I was relieved to know Emmett was not being a manwhore, we had endured years of his player days through high school and I had hoped college would bring a new maturity. It was sneaking up on him without him realizing. He was turning into a one woman man. Good for Rose. The girl who tamed Emmett one day he will even stop taking courses he has no interest in, simply to delay his entry into the big wide world of having a fulltime job and being a proper grown up.

I didn't like to think back to that night. Royce had been shouting his mouth off as usual and was high on something and made the very bad mistake of thinking Emmett and I were interested in joining in on his little perverted game. We had looked at each other and accepted, to see what the hell was going down now. Royce had pulled some pretty bad stunts in the past, always managing to slip away and come out smelling like roses while everyone else got caught,

When Emmett started smacking those losers around, I knew he didn't need me so I offered Royce a lift out of there, knowing the fucker had every intention of sneaking away any minute, and he had laughed and slapped me on the back and put his disgusting arm around my shoulders and we left. I had found it hard not to vomit as he regaled me with stories of past exploits he had engineered, resulting in women being abused, humiliated, and now, almost raped. Gang raped. The man had no humanity at all. So I took him for a ride and we stopped to have a few shots from his flask and I beat the living shit out of him and left him to find his own way back.

Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets but that night something in me clicked and I came very close to killing him. Seriously. I almost kept kicking and punching until he was dead. While he would be no loss to society, I had barely hung on to my soul and I don't want to fall to his level. I don't want to be a monster.

It left me shaken and scared of myself. The act he had almost committed was not even against me or my family or my friends. Rose Hale was nobody we knew, a stranger we had seen around. Never spoken to. And I almost committed murder for her? I was some kind of sick fucker.

I clearly had issues that ran deep that had not been dredged up yet by my years on the therapists couch. My anger had been a problem at elementary school. I had always hit back, reacted violently when attacked by another child, and had spent many a day in detention. Carlisle and Esme had no idea what type of beast they had adopted when they took me on. Emmett is my sort of brother, as is Jasper. We were all adopted as young boys by the Cullens and given a new start and they knew we were troubled kids from bad homes yet they opened their doors time and again to us.

We learnt all about brotherhood from them. We never had a fight between us. We three stuck together. Jasper had the worst start as he was the oldest when finally taken from his worthless mother and rescued but he was seven and had seven years of memories. Of beatings by her johns, of scars that covered much of his torso, in a certain light you could see the bites that scarred his body from the sick fuckers his mother had allowed to hurt her small son however they chose. He had blossomed in Esme's tender hands and under Carlisle's guidance and had grown into an exceptional musician and poet. His words were genius, his fingers could make the strings of his guitar take you away to other places where everything was beautiful and happiness reigned. Then he met Maria and we all rejoiced. She was pretty enough, but her heart was the thing. Big, kind, open and all for Jasper.

They married when they were barely twenty but we all knew it was meant to be, why the hell wait? And nobody is gladder than me thats how it went because on her 25th birthday she felt a little unwell and was dead by nightfall. They had five perfect years.

If they had been sensible and waited and got careers and whatever, they may not have had those five years and it would have been so much worse. Of course, her death left him broken and battered and we don't have him back, yet. He couldn't date. He saw every woman as a betrayal so he joined the club and he allowed himself to seek relief from strangers but it was tearing him apart. He needed a new relationship and I wanted to help him but how? The club was just fixing one problem and replacing it with another.

"Emmett gone?" Jasper asked as he walked into the room, drying his longish blond hair and sitting on the couch.

"Yeah. Hot not date with Rose. Funny set up that pair have."

"I know. But he is the lucky one. Nobody goes to the club to meet The One, you know? Just for a big of fun and relaxation. Why don't you come along tonight, Edward. I could do with the moral support."

"Moral support to attend a sex club."

"Yeah. Its called irony."

"I dunno, Jasper. I have a lot of study to get done."

"Edward, can I ask? Do you ever have sex? You never seem to leave this place or the hospital . Do you have some naughty nurse healing your pain?"

"No, although Tanya would be more than happy to fill that role."

We both laughed. Tanya Denali was a joke. She had screwed every intern and new doctor who was willing, and yet for years, she had declared she 'really loved' me. Just had a funny way of showing it, I guess. I had to bat her hands away on a regular basis and escape her clutches but I did nothing to encourage her delusion. I had zero interest in her and she really had no interest past lust in me. I think it made her feel better to call it love.

"So, are you saying you don't have sex, man?"

"I have had sex, I have been in relationships. I have never had random, meaningless sex."

"Then how do you know you don't like it? Come on, just come along tonight. If you hate it, never go back. Your hand must need a rest, Edward."

I swiped him. My hand and I are good mates. Very good mates.

I did feel the urge quite often, despite my workload, to just go fuck someone now and then but I had been raised to be respectful to women. I can't get my head around fucking someone you know nothing about. But you know, maybe I should try it. It can't hurt, right? I can just do it this once and then never again? Nobody has to know.

I went and showered and changed and accompanied Jasper to the club.

BPOV

Right. Monday night, therefor ladies Choice. Rose had told me last Monday she had chosen her 'favorite' so I was sure I had the right night. I shakily showed my as yet unused card at the door and was shown in.

"Men's Choice Night" proclamied the board in the lobby.

"What! Men's choice" I gasped out loud.

"Yes, ma'am" replied the receptionist type person.

"But my friend was here last Monday and she said it was Ladies Choice Mondays."

"No,the way it works, its alternative nights. So, Monday was ladies nights last week, but there are seven days in a week so this Monday is Men's night."

Crap.

I wished I hadn't come. I wished I had worked that out for myself. No way did I want to sit in a room and be overlooked and left until last like all those years at school when the sports teams were picked. Every single time I was the last one chosen and always, the team that got me would groan and sigh and say they may as well accept defeat already, with Swan as their handicap. It had left a scar on my psyche. Bella Swan, klutz. Bella Swan, last man standing. Alone.

I walked in with a heavy heart and sat in the room directed and read the 'menu' to see what category I was choosing. I knew already. Straight sex. With a man. Nothing perverted, this set up was perverted enough.

I was handed a number with Category A in large type and Number 13 on the front. Of course, I would be number 13. Stood to reason. A girl with frizzy hair directed us 'Cat A's' towards a room and we filed in and sat down on the chairs inside. The far wall was covered by a large two way mirror that shone blankly back at us as we faced our own reflections and tried to ignore each other and not judge. That first girl closest to my right was gorgeous, what was she doing here? Most of the others were moderately attractive. And the girl with the braces? I might stand a chance of getting picked ahead of her. We all waited for Gorgeous girl to be chosen first. Number 4.

A voice from nowhere announced "Number 13, please exit the room."

Me?

Me first?

Me ahead of Gorgeous Girl?

Maybe I was being chucked out for not coming up to their standards?

I walked out , blushing madly and was met by Frizzy hair and handed a key.

Room 201.

I walked down the hallway and found the room and opened the door. It was just a small room with a large bed and an adjoining bathroom with sink, toilet and shower. There were clean towels and on the plastic covered mattress, a pair of folded clean sheets. I made the bed up and wondered if the lighting was adjustable? It was pretty dim. Maybe because all girls look better in the dark? I sat on the bed and waited to see who the man silly enough to not choose Gorgeous Girl would be. Maybe a man with some sight problems?

**Please review..keeper/ delete? **


	3. Chapter 3

The Club

Chapter 3

Encounter

BPOV

A dark silhouette, the door closes, all source of light now extinguished.

Sound of fabric moving against itself as clothes are shed.

No words are spoken, no names exchanged.

I lay in the dark and shiver a little as a tall, firm, warm body slides into the bed beside me.

Hands ghost down my sides and I shut my eyes which are useless anyway.

I just feel and his hands are on me, all over me, reading me like a braille book.

His hands begin at my waist and travel up. He spreads his fingers out flat and takes in as much of my torso as can be touched. His hands move, around, to my back, to my ass, he feels and covers every inch and moves on, like he needs to learn and remember me inch by inch, his hands slide up my back, to my neck, to the back of my head. Feeling, touching, exploring.

They slide down again, to my waist and move to my front and he begins another journey of discovery. Across my hips, down my outer thighs, stops at my knees, moves back up but inner thighs this time, making me gooseflesh with anticipation. He merely strokes my folds once and keeps moving upwards, his hand cups my mound, then up, up, my waist, my chest, under my breasts, no go higher, yes! His hands cup my waiting breasts and skim the skin, pausing at each nipple which he rubs a little with a finger until they pebble and peak and beg then he moves on, to my shoulderblades, forget them, they don't need you, then my shoulders, throat, chin, a hand moves across my face, my jawline, my cheeks, my nose, across my brow. I am tingling and taut and breathless and silent like he is.

He places a finger along my lips and traces them, upper, lower lip, and they part as he begins the same journey and his thumb enters my mouth and I tentatively lick it, suck it in, twirl my tongue around it. His breath hitches a little and I mentally pump the air! Yes. I feel his body so close to mine and my hands begin the journey of discovery. His waist is narrow, no fat, trim, hard abs, sixpack, firm,firm ass, very firm ass, strong thighs, firm ass, love that ass, strong hard back, wide shoulders, firm muscles, not overly build but very firm. Straight neck, soft soft hair, now messy as my fingers explore and make disorder in the locks. Longish. Must hang over his forehead, down again, firm ass, hmm, round to front, waist again, higher, firm chest, muscular, tight, hard muscles, feel nice, up to shoulders, throat, polite, dont care, onto face. Sharp jawline, scruff, didn't shave today, straight nose, thick eyebrows,eyelashes flutter against my hand, shivers go down spine, legs are trying to open against my will.

He knows I have finished my exploration so he begins anew. I sigh in frustration. Bella, where did you forget to touch? Stupid, stupid. You wanted to touch, why didn't you? Just a little lower and you could have touched, felt, estimated, stroked.

His hands are on my breasts and then they are gone and a wet, open mouth is there instead and he sucks my nipple inside his mouth.

Warm, wet, tense, licking, sucking, shivering.A finger is trailing down my abdomen and pauses at my belly button which is invaded and his finger twirls and caresses and moves down south and he is cupping my mound and rubbing in such a way everything lights on fire even more.

I hiss and writhe, touch me lower, touch me inside, come on, lower. His hand hears me and descends and runs a finger along my folds and they try to open themselves to trap that finger inside. His other hand descends and he shifts his body and his hair tickles my stomach and my heart beats faster, like crazy, is he going to...? His fingers open me up and a soft, strong, firm tongue is on me, licking, teasing, entering, leaving, licking, my clit is going insane, I think I grunt, I don't care, more, more there, he sucks those eager nerves inside , wet, warm, my god, I shake, I tingle, I explode and shatter and fall apart and I am gone.

The sound of foil, ripping, sends anticipation to the highest level.

He is back, he rolls my defenceless body onto its front and urges me on to my knees. He is over me, close behind, easing my legs apart, I am on my knees and waiting and I feel it slide inside and I gasp because its huge and hard as iron and so long, it goes on forever and its all inside then he takes some back then he gives it back again and the dance begins, taking, giving, in and out, hard, pushing, leaving, shuddering, I start to tingle again as I adjust and accept all of him and my bits have reawakened, that last orgasm wasn't enough? I am now greedy and needy and he is there, hitting that spot, the one that makes me turn into an athlete reaching for the tape at the end of the race, and its closer, closer, he pumps and strokes and I feel and writhe and come apart again and he pumps and stills and sighs and falls beside me.

The bed moves as he goes into the bathroom then he is back and I hear foil again and raise my head. Again? Can I do that again?

His hand reaches and finds mine and he brings it to his hard again erection and I grab and stroke and feel the length, the width, and the tip, already leaking, I spread the juice and feel the soft, so soft skin and he pushes into my hand and I roll onto my back and he takes my hand away and slides the latex in place and my ladies parts are rejoicing and tingling and clapping. He eases on top and inside and he slowly, s l o w l y pushes in, pulls out, so slowly it makes me ache. Then he increases the pace a little, still slow, still strong, still filling and unfilling, still hard and bigger than I ever had. Then the thrusts begin, hard, harder, deeper and I cry out as he hits there, hits everywhere, my skin is on fire, my body wants to come again, I can't believe this is me. I am rocking with him, crying to be fulfilled, needing that feeling again. I feel it begin and I rock harder, push closer, yes, there it is, keep going, god yes. Its warming, its right there, its not escaping me, harder, god, god, oh god.

I cannot move. He has thrust again and then stilled and I can feel him filling me, the condom, it feels like part of me and I can feel his juices in me, I wish that latex was gone but I cant move. He leaves and water runs and flushes and he is back and he lays and rolls me onto my side and he spoons me and rubs my sides and brings me back down and then I feel his absence and hear the rustle of fabric and theres a kiss, lips on my forehead and he traces something on my chest and the door opens and closes and he is gone.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

When I wake up properly, I jump out of bed and wince at the reminder what's been where and its been a while since any what has been there so its new again and achy and my body feels a little stiff, so I turn on the shower and wash myself and remember every touch and every thrust and this isn't helping. As I dry myself on a club towel, I wonder if that was typical. Is it always silent? Just there for the deed and gone? Rose had promised me a hook up with no baggage and that's what I got so what's my problem? It was good, I admit that, it was maybe the best fuck I have had, no, definitely. But it was weird, impersonal. I know I have picked up randoms and fucked them but I could see their faces and knew what they looked like beforehand.

This was different. Would I be able to find him again? Did I want to or was it better that this was a one shot? He chose me so he knows what I look like but I don't know what he looks like. I can't come on Ladies night and choose a man I have no idea about. I dont know what he looks like at all. I know how he feels, I know every inch of his body, but I can hardly ask if its okay for me to feel up every guy in the room before I choose. Maybe I should stick to Men's nights and see if he chooses me again? Will I recognize him again? Oh I think I will. I will know for sure if its not him.

I wish I had one little thing to remind me, introduce me, reveal him to me.

This is not a dating agency, Bella.

This is not a marriage agency.

This is a hook up joint.

You got the most amazing hook up of your life and now you want it again. Its out of your control. You can't choose him because you didn't see him.

I could eliminate every guy with really short hair, buzz cuts, or fairly short hair, or shoulder length or longer hair. Or dead straight hair, his hair felt kind of wavy. It was so soft. You don't think of men having soft hair but his hair was like a baby's, so soft.

I strip the bed and toss the towel and sheets in the hamper as advised to do by the glow in the dark sign and I dress and leave. I look around, maybe he hung around to see me when I leave? Nobody looks at me. I approach the receptionist and hand her the keys and the card with the A and the 13.

She takes the keys and hangs them on the board behind her.

"You keep this. This is your number now, unless you choose to join another group, then you exchange this card for a new one with B or whatever on the back. Bring it with you every time you visit."

I thank her and turn to leave. my eyes are seeking out anyone hanging around. There are a couple of men talking but they ignore me completely. Outside, there is nobody in the parking lot then a car pulls up and four guys get out and are talking as they approach the door. "A 52, be here tonight, please God' says one.

"Jace wants another crack at A52. I can't blame him, she is a bloody good fuck."

"Who you got as a stand in Jace, if she isn't here?"

"A 11 or A 761. Either will do but I want me some A 52. I am so in the mood for that chick."

Interchangable.

Thats what we are.

I wonder who will be my guys second choice or was I his second choice tonight? Was his regular unavailable?

I get in the car and face reality. Think of this like a session at the gym, Bella. You go, you work out, you relieve stress, you shower, you go home, you forget about it until the next time and when you get there, you don't care which treadmill or exercize bike you use. Its not the equipment, its the workout.

I get home and Alice is sitting in the sitting room.

"Bella, I am in love."

Its not as earth shattering as you would expect as Alice is in love on a regular basis.

"With whom, Ali?"

"I don't know his name but his body is for me. He was wonderful. He..."

and I sit through a play by play of everything this man did to Alice.

"He has this Texas drawl, it nearly made me wet my pants..in a bad way. It made me wet them in a good way, though."

"He spoke to you?"I ask.

"Of course he did. He wasn't an animal. He said 'Howdy darlin' and he said I was beautiful and he complimented every single part of me. And he told me his number!"

"He told you his number?"

"He wants me to choose him tomorrow night. A M210. And I will get to see him in the room. I am just getting there early, like Rose does, to make sure I get first pick and I am saying that number as soon as it begins then I will look and see if the outside is as delicious as the hidden bits. God, Bella, I went to work out my sorrow over my boy and I met an amazing man! Rose is wrong, this can be a club where you meet Mr Right."

He gave her his number.


	4. Chapter 4

Club4

The Club

Chapter 4

Writing on the Wall.

BPOV

Next day I slept in late so rushed into my bathroom and ripped off my boypants and cami and started the shower.

I noticed some sort of mark on my chest and looked in the mirror.

Definitely writing. It took a second to realize, he had written on me!

I tried to make it out. A...M1, something , then an 8 or an 0, then a 7 or a 1? Or a 9 maybe?

Damn. If only I had looked in the mirror in that bathroom before I showered at the club.

"Ali, come here." I yelled.

"What's this say?"

"Okay..we have an A and then an M then a 1 then an 8, 6, 4."

"What? That's not a 4, no way."

"Wait" she said and disappeared, coming back with an eyeliner pencil.

She filled in the blanks and we looked again.

A M1952.

Below is written clearly 7pm,.

Damn.

I wrote them all down but it was impossible now to make out anything under Ali's additional scrawl.

"So, Bella met someone who wants her to choose him." she said.

"Goddamn it, Alice. It was the best sex ever and I want more and I don't know his bloody number. And worse, he thinks I do."

I got in the shower and scrubbed all the writing off and cursed my bad luck.

How stupid. I felt him trace on my chest, why didn't I look?

I made it to work with seconds to spare and to class afterwards but my mind just wasn't on creative Use of the English Language.

More creative use of human bodies.

Should I go tonight and take my list and try and find him? What if I get the wrong man?

What if someone else chooses him while I am reading my stupid list and trying to match up possible numbers?

What if he thinks I didn't want to choose him?

What if he moves on and doesn't choose me again?

God, I hate my life.

Ali announces she is holding a 'little dinner party' this weekend and I am to attend.

"Who are you inviting?" I ask, with dread.

"I am asking my Southern Gentleman, whose name I will know by then, and I am making Rose invite Emmett, if I have to listen to how wonderful he is, then he has to come meet us. Its a way of getting that pair to DATE. Okay, she needed to meet him that way, I can accept that, but how long does she need the club as a cover to meet up with him? Stupid girl, he will give up on her and move on if she isn't careful. And you know she loves him."

"I think love is a little strong. She likes him a lot. But love? She hardly knows him."

"And you base this on the fact they spend hours together every night? How long does it take to know someone?"

She may be right.

I dress myself and sit on my bed and debate, go or not? Can I go and just look?

I sit in the car in the club carpark and strum my fingers . Go in, stay out. Do I have to choose someone if I go in?

I walk in and try to explain to the receptionist I may just be looking, is that okay?

She shakes her head."Whatever. You paid for a full year, if you wanna watch change your number for a C card, Voyeurism."

"No, I don't want to watch, ew, I want to look." I explain. How hard is that to understand?

I stand behind the glass and watch the men file in.

I recall what I know. Tall, slim, messable hair.

I rule out half the men in less than a minute, too short, too buzz cut, too chubby.

I look over the rest,

They are just wrong. Hair too tidy, hair too straight. Too gelled. Face too round. Fingers too stubby.

I give up and smile at the doorman as I leave. Its 7.17pm.

EPOV

Un-fucking-believable!

I sit in my car, unable to move forward, backward, no escape.

A less than intelligent person has slammed on his brakes, slewed across both lanes, tipped his truck onto its side and lost its load of furniture all over the road. The cops can be heard, wailing in the distance but traffic is bumper to bumper and they can't get through. We can't get out because people are idiots and even seeing we are bottlenecked in here, they still continue to drive up behind us and make the worlds biggest carpark out of the highway.

I look at the time again. 6.47pm.

I am not going to make it. Even if they flew me out by helicopter, I won't be there at 7pm.

So, she will choose someone else.

Someone else will get to touch that soft skin and that long hair and that bare, waxed body and be inside it and it won't be me.

I thump the steering wheel like its at fault.

My bloody luck.

My first time there, I score the world's most beautiful woman, she lets me inside her without a word being exchanged, I break the rules and write my number on her and now I stand her up.

Good one, Edward.

Even if she is there tomorrow night, she may not be too receptive to me choosing her again.

I finally get home at 9.21pm.

A little pissed.

Emmett and Jasper are out, guess where? At the club. Where I should have been for the last two hours and twenty one minutes.

I strip off my clothes that smell quite rank by now, after two hours sitting in a bottleneck swearing and sweating and cursing, and jump in the shower.

Images are in my head. Images of soft, soft skin, I can almost feel it against me.

I shut my eyes and my hand reaches for my sulking dick, who really wanted to be back inside her tonight.

"Can't change that but we can think about her and have us a little funtime" I promise.

I start to stroke myself slowly and remember my mouth on her and her soft moans as I made her come. And when I turned her over and entered her from behind, yes, getting into it now, aren't you, and the final time, on top, inside, yes, thats it, thats the charm. My body explodes all over the shower wall and I pant and gasp myself down again.

Shit.

Amazing.

It helps briefly but all I can think about is tomorrow night and trying again. I will leave home early and I will choose her and this time, I will speak and explain.

Or maybe to pretend to be someone else and give us a fresh start? Would she know? If I go in, all talky and cheerful, maybe she will just think I am better than the loser who stood her up.

Maybe she didn't go tonight. Maybe she didn't ask for me anyway. Maybe she wasn't going to.

But I think she would have.

There was something there. Deep within the mind blowing sex, there was something.

I can't put my finger on it but I felt it and I hope she did too.

I watch tv and drink a little and finally Jasper comes home at 1am.

"Edward, I have met a girl."

"That's why you go" I remind him.

"No, I go to fuck girls. I met a girl"

"And you didn't fuck her?" I ask, surprised.

"Well, I did but she came back tonight and asked for me and she is the prettiest little filly you can imagine. Her name is Alice and she is a friend of...tada...Rose! Emmett's Rose. And we are all invited to dinner at theirs this Saturday night."

"Well, you and Emmett have fun." I reply.

"No, Emmett and I and YOU are going to go and have fun."

"What..I get to watch? Not my scene."

"No, they have a friend and she has no boyfriend, poor friend, Edward, all alone in the world, and so you are going to talk to the friend while Emmett and I get brownie points for being charming outside of the club and then we will be bringing our lovely ladies back here for the night so if you could......"

"Make myself scarce" I fill in the blanks.

"That would be great and we would owe you so much."

"Wait. Todays Friday."

"Correct. That education is not wasted after all."

"I really wanted to go to the club tomorrow night."

"So, a year of 'I am not going to the club, stop asking' is now followed by ' I dont want to miss a night at the club'?"

"So?"

"Was it that good?"

"Unbelievable."

"Did you get her name?"

"No, but believe me, I will."

"So, do you know if she will be there tomorrow night?"

"No, but I am going to the club at 7pm and I am choosing her and hanging around long enough to explain then I will go to this stupid dinner."

"Thanks, Edward. You know how it can be when there's a spare wheel? Especially a chick spare wheel? Awkward. And the girls wont just leave her to come here after. They will be all "Poor wallflower, we can't just leave you." so our night will be spoiled."

I cannot guarantee I will be turning up, if my girl is at the club and I get to choose her, I may forget all about the dinner.

BPOV

I was antsy because I wanted to go, Mens night, if he was there he could choose me and we could sort something out. But Alice had begged and pleaded as the boys were bringing their friend so now, I can't back out and leave him a third wheel. Fifth wheel. Whatever.

I am dressed but not that well, just a pair of tight jeans and a vintage T and Alice hits the roof.

"For God's sake, Bella, what if he is hot? What if he likes you and you like him and you never have to go back to the club? Get changed or I will be doing it for you. That midnight blue blouse I bought you. The jeans can stay. And get rid of the ponytail and straighten the locks."

I sigh and stomp upstairs.

I don't care how wonderful Mr Spare Wheel is...if he is hot, he would have a date, right?

I want to go to the club!

I hate my life.

I find my flask and shake it. Full. Fully full.

I throw off the T and slip on the blouse. I put on a little makeup so I dont get sent back yet again and I sit there idly singing while the hair straightener smooths my waves away and leaves my hair longer and dead straight. I have a little drink. I decide to defy Alice and I heat up the curling wand and do a head full of ringlets and pull them on top of my head and clip them there.

Yeah, bitch. My hair.

I have some more whiskey.

Nice.

Then I add a little more makeup. Black. Black eyeliner, nice and thick. Mascara, black lipstick.

I giggle. Alice will have a melt down but I will beat her by waiting to come down once the guys arrive.

I think I look hot.

Emo hot.

Emo sulky.

Emo slutty.

What do I care? I twirl and paint my nails black.

Then I throw off the blue blouse and pull on my most torn up Tshirt and add some safety pins.

This is fun.

I start imagining the look on Alice's face. How red will she go? Purple? Or short of purple? Red/lilac? And what can she say? Get upstairs and wash that crap off your face, missy?I drink to that.

I don't think so.

I dig out my highest boots and start lacing.

"Bella, the guys are here."

Yay.

I walk downstairs and four faces look up and the shock registers. Alice is darker than red, lighter than purple.

Rose recovers first and laughs.

"This is our adorable teenage daughter, Bella" she says.

Everyone laughs and I blush.

So, where's the nerd who can't get a date?

"Edward is running a little late" says Rose.

Edward? Really? Why not just name him Nerdward?

How old is the last person you met named Edward?

I have a great Uncle Edward.

I slip my flask out and have a little drinkie. Just a liddle one.

"And where is Eddie boy being late at?" I slur.

"Kind of embarrassing story. Edward's sort of obsessed over a girl he recently....dated. He hoped to see her tonight. I think he is kind of stalking her then coming here." says the big curly haired one.

God, is he with Alice? No, he must be with Rose.

Rose likes 'em big.

Alice likes them girlie.

"Jasssper" I say and they all smile indulgently.

I want to slap them all. I could be at the club having another best fuck of my life, you assholes. I stayed for Nerdward and he isnt even here? He is off harrassing some poor girl he dated?

"Yes, Bella" he replies, patiently.

"I like your name" I slur.

"Thank you. I like your name. Bella. Beautiful."

"How funny is that?" I laugh.

I hate it when people know Bella means beautiful. Its just cruel. If I was beautiful, I would probably love my name but I always think people have an image of me in their head before I get there then it must be "Whoa, not living up to her name. What a waste."

We sit and eat appetizers and I have a little tiny drink and Alice takes my flask away.

"Bella, please behave" she hisses.

Too late, me thinks.

Knock at the door and a man with wild copper hair comes in, all distracted and looking at his phone.

"Sorry, I asked Heidi to call me if she turns up."

Oh, poor Nerdward, stuck with EmoBella.

We are introduced and the distaste is clear to see on his face. he gives his friends that "Really?" look.

I leave and lay on the couch and feel dizzy.

The rest of them eat dinner but I am asleep. Go away, Alice, its better this way. Pretend I am asleep.

Everyone is apologizing for silly Bella.

Silly Bella has to rush upstairs to her bathroom because Silly Bella is a little sick.

Alice comes in and tells me they are going.

I am glad and I fall back to sleep and wake up hours later with raccoon eyes and my head hurts.

I go downstairs for water and painkillers and jump when I see the nerd guy sitting in the sitting room, watching tv.

"Hi" he says.

"Hi" I answer, sitting on the far end of the couch.

"You don't have to stay." I assure him.

"No, it's fine. They, ah, want me gone tonight so I thought I would make sure you didn't die or cut yourself or whatever."

"Don't you have a girlfriend to stalk?" I ask.

"Not exactly. And who says I am stalking her? I just wanted to see her if she turned up where we met, tonight."

He stands and gets me some water and Advil and I swallow them down.

He is actually pretty damn fine. So tall and slim and I want to touch his chest.

That may get me in trouble so I don't.

"So, do you have a boyfriend,Bella?" he asks.

"Nuh. No point." I answer.

"Why is that?"

"Because there is no such thing as happy ever after and its better to not try." I explain. God, is he stupid?

"But don't you want to try? See if there is someone special out there for you?"

I rub my hair and its a big, tangled knot. God, I am so fucked. I will never get those knots out. Maybe I should shave my head.

"Don't you dare' he says.

I hadn't realized I was talking outloud.

"Why not? I think its like one solid mat."

"Because long hair is beautiful and sexy. Go wash it and put in loads of conditioner and come back here and I will comb it out for you."

I stare at him.

Maybe he is gay. Gay hairdresser.

I stumble upstairs and do as he says then pull on some pj's and put a dry towel around my shoulders and when I go downstairs, he puts a cushion on the floor at his feet and I sit and he combs out my knots and leaves my hair long and silky soft.

It takes over two hours but he doesn't give up and he doesn't hurt me.

"See, some things look hopeless but are worth the effort, Bella" he tells me and hands me my comb.

"Sit with me and we can watch a movie." he suggests so I twirl my hair into a bun and clip it up so it doesn't snarl again as it dries.

We sit side by side and he explains the meaning of the movie to me and I fall asleep to his velvety voice.

I awake in the morning to the sound of voices.

"Looks like Edward tamed the savage beast" says Jasper.

I open my eyes and realize I am lying on the couch in Edward's arms and he is holding me in close to his chest.

I wonder what his girlfriend would think of that and I struggle until he frees me and I dash upstairs to get dressed and brush out my hair.

Its so soft and not one tangle.

Nobody has ever done my hair before, other than Alice when she is torturing it into submission.

I guess Edward may just be a nice guy.

By the time I go down, Edward has gone and Alice and Jasper are planning their day so I walk to my car and spend the day at the beach and read a book I have been meaning to read for ages.

I wonder whether to go to the club tonight?

Same problem, I don't know what he looks like or what his number is.

Drat, I wish the dinner party had been tonight and I could have gone last night.

Maybe I would have spent my night in his arms, not Edward's.


	5. Chapter 5

The Club

Chapter 5

EDWARD'S POV

Life has conspired against me and its days before I get back to the club. Men's night so I am first in line and I get to choose ahead of everyone else. My eyes flicker around the illuminated room in front of me and there she is! Thank the gods.

"A 13" I say, quickly before anyone else tries to choose her.

I smile as I look at her face. She is far too beautiful to be here, allowing me to hook up with her and I wonder what her story is. Recent break-up? Divorced? Commitment phobia? She tosses her hair back as her number is announced and she stands to leave and theres something familiar...God, she looks like Alice ans Rose's little friend, Bella, only in grown up version. So alike, I get a sinking feeling they must be sisters.

This could be tricky. I don't think Bella was attracted to me at all but she is a teenager and I know they get carried away easily and get distorted ideas and crushes so I will be careful with her. I don't want her getting hurt.

And if this beautiful woman is her sister, that complicates things.

Because I want her and already I want her in a way not available here at the club. I want to talk to her and maybe ask her out on a date, if she is willing.

I walk to room 203 and the door is ajar. The room is dim but she is lying on the bed, waiting for me, her hair fanned out across the pillow and my breath quickens. That hair...she has to be Bella's sister.

I approach the bed and stand before her, knowing she can barely make me out as well.

As I lie beside her, she leans and touches my chest.

"I didn't realize you wrote on me until after I showered so I couldn't find you." she says.

Oh, so she did look.

My heart beats a little faster at that news.

"Have you been back here?" I ask, dreading her answer. What did she do when she didn't find me?

"I have been in three times and just looked for you then left when I was sure you weren't here."

"I have been busy, I came in Saturday night and asked the receptionist to phone me if you came in."

"Saturday night? Family stuff, of a sort. A total waste of a night."

"Same here."

"Do you want to meet up with only me or are you here for variety?" I ask.

"I was here for mindless, nameless sex but I liked what you did, I would like to meet up with only you for a while, if that suits you."

"Fine. What nights?"

"Monday and Thursday are sure things for me. You?"

"I can do those. Saturdays are usually okay,too."

"Saturdays have a way of being hijacked at our place."

I am disappointed to hear that but I need her name and number so I just ask.

"Can I have your details? Name, cell number, in case I can't make it one night? Would you be interested in meeting outside the club?"

"Not so much. I just need the sex, I don't have room in my life for pointless dating. That's why I am here."

Pointless dating?

She even talks like Bella.

"Okay, just name, or initial even, and cell number?" I compromise.

"Sabel will do, cell number..here, give me your phone."

She takes it and enters herself in and then rings herself and keeps my details in her phone, strangely putting me as SOL.

"No real names, I don't want to make this personal" she says.

"Then why do you want to only have sex with me? There's plenty of other guys here?"

"I feel bad enough about anonymous sex. It will be easier for me if I stick to just one partner. You can sleep with other girls, I am not going to get jealous or anything."

"No, I like the idea of just sleeping with only you."

"Have you been coming here long?"

"No, the other night, with you, was my first time. Yours too, I gather."

"Yes. First time lucky for a change."

I like that she likes me, I don't like that she has no intention getting to know me. It is just sex for her. I resolve to make it the same for me. I barely know her, I can just stop any feelings I was anticipating in the bud.

I roll towards her and place my hands on her breasts. If thats all that is on offer, okay. I will take what I can get of her.

"Kissing? Allowed or not?"

"No, no kissing" she answers and I am sorry about that. I really wanted to kiss her.

Just fucking, then.

I roll her away so I can enter her from behind and not look at those doe eyes.

This way, she could be anyone and its easier. I feel myself slip inside her and I feel kind of empty about the whole encounter but she is here to be fucked and she wants me to do it so I push in deeper and start a rhythm.

Mindless, emotionless sex. Its new to me and that's why I sought a connection with her, no doubt. I am attracted to her, and I want to know her better but that is not what she wants or what she is here for so I shut off my brain and push and leave and enter and thrust and she comes around me and its okay.

I can do this.

Its better than nothing and knowing she isn't sleeping with other guys is a bonus.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Edward, please come with us. Rose and Alice want Bella to come too and you know her, she is a sweet kid. Do you have anything else planned? Did the girl at the club agree to date you?"

"No, it seems she is there for the sex alone and not interested in dating."

"Then theres no reason not to come with us, is there? It will be fun. You may enjoy yourself."

"Jasper, how old Is Bella? I think she is like 17?"

"Probably. I don't know why she even lives with Rose and Alice but she seems a lot younger than them. Why? Don't tell me you fancy Bella?"

"No, Jas, don't be silly, she is a child. She reminds me of the girl at the club, like, maybe this girl is her older sister."

"You will have to ask her, I know nothing about her."

We are all going to meet at the beach so I change into boardshorts and a Tshirt and grab a towel and sunscreen and a hat and we jump in Emmett's jeep. The girls are meeting us there and bringing food so we stop and buy sodas and water and ice and fill the cooler.

I grab a teen magazine with the latest pop idol on the cover, for Bella.

My Chemical Romance. The singer has the black eye make up she wears, and black clothes, I figure this will be one of the bands she likes.

The girls are waiting already so we unpack the cooler and set up our spot in the shade of a few weedy looking trees and Rose and Emmett disappear in record time and Jas and Alice walk along the shoreline holding hands.

Bella is lying facedown on her towel and pretending to sleep.

"I bought you a magazine" I say.

She looks up, startled that I bothered speaking to her.

I pull it out of my bag and hand it to her.

The look on her face is strange, surprised, puzzled, confused.

Maybe she doesn't like that band.

How would I know? I only keep company with people in their mid twenties, like me.

She suddenly smiles and her whole face lights up and she laughs and the world seems a better place. She is really pretty, almost beautiful, without the make up and silly clothes.

She will outgrow that shit then some lucky boy will see the real her grab her for himself.

She just has a bikini on under one of those see through long shirt things and when she pulls it off to go swimming, I feel confused because she doesn't have the body of a teenager. Her breasts are round and firm and her ass is rounded and tight and god, Edward, pull yourself together, she is a child.

Her body defies logic and she bats me with her hand and pulls me into the water with her. I am grateful for the cold, waistdeep water because Edward here has a problem that she would soon detect if she came anywhere near me.

The cold and my concentrating on images less pleasing attempt to cool the situation but her jumping about in the waves is just renewing the issue.

Goddamn it.

I feel wrong and bad and I have to know she is at least legal. I have no intention of touching her, I will just feel better if I know she is of age seeing her body makes mine stand to attention. I have never been affected like this by a teenager, well, except when I was a teenager. But that was okay then, not so much now.

"Are you still in High School, Bella?" I ask.

She finds this hilarious for some reason.

"No, Edward, I am not still in High School."

Good.

"What do you do? Are you in college?"

"I am in college and I work at a magazine you probably never heard of. Oh wait, you bought me a copy of it today."

So thats why she found that funny. She must be doing one of those college based apprenticeships.

Getting the coffee and running around for the staff, buying the lunches. Its hard getting a foot in the door when you are a lowly new college student.

"Do you have any siblings, an older sister?"

"Why, you looking to date my older sister?" she asks with a chuckle.

I freeze at the accuracy. So, she does have an older sister.

I dive into the waves and she follows me out past the breaker line and its calmer and easier to swim out there. She is playful and happy and its a change. I thought emos were all dark and gloomy so maybe she just puts on the persona when she puts on the dark clothes. Whatever. I enjoy her company today and after she splashes me and tempts me with her slim, womanly body, we swim back in and she showers under the outdoor showers that dot the walkway.

She pulls out her conditioner and I wave her back to me and she sits between my open legs and I comb it through her hair. If it were wavier, it would be just like her sisters.

She is in a very strange mood. She chatters about her friends and college and I find myself so drawn to her but it can only be because of her sister, surely.

When the others return for lunch, she pulls the girls aside and whispers to them and my heart sinks. I am sure she is telling them she has a crush on me and this is what I didnt want to happen.

BELLA'S POV

"Alice, I think Edward thinks I am a teenager! Honestly, he thinks I have just started college and he treats me like I am a kid and he bought me a copy of FYI,yes, the teen magazine I write for.I think my stupid little emo/goth dress up has put him on the wrong track completely."

Rose thinks its hilarious but Alice looks concerned.

"Bella, tell him. This could get uncomfortable."

"No, I want to play with him. He is so stiff and anal and he relaxes when he is with just me and treats me like a kid. I like it better, he combed my hair again."

"Why would a teenager live with us?' said Alice.

"You could be looking out for one of your friends younger sisters?" I suggest."Edward asked me if I had an older sister."

Rose is laughing and we make our way back to the boys.

Edward hands me a plate of food he has served for me.

"Thank you, Edward" i say, smirking at Rose and Alice. They go sit with their boyfriends and I sit and talk pop singers with Edward. Luckilly, being an editor for a teen mag is coming in handy as I absorb all the information about bands by osmosis, just having to edit the articles. I do interview some of them myself but they sometimes all blur and I forget which gloomy dark haired guy sings with which band. The bands that have been around the longest are easier to identify but the new, upcoming, band of the month change constantly and all look the same after a while.

I find it refreshing having a male I can talk to who isn't just trying to get in my pants and disappear, as thats the most typical type I get to meet these days.

'You are really interesting now fuck me so I can move on.'

I lie in the sun after lunch and think about last night. What I need is a combination of Sex On Legs and Edward combined.

I know SOL wants to meet outside the club but he will be a letdown in real life. The way it is now, I can just have sex with him and have no other expectations. He won't get to know me and lose interest, if all he gets is sex then I can keep up my side of the bargain. Sex is easy, relationships are hard.

And now I have Edward to accompany me out when the girls want to include me in their outings,I have the best of both worlds. Edward will never see me as dating material.

We decide to eat at a restaurant tonight so we go home and change and Edward is back and dressed in a pair of body hugging jeans and a black button down shirt and his hair is still damp and my ladies bits feel a little damp themselves.

I shake my head as I walk down the stairs. His eyes are on me and he looks confused and maybe even a little embarrassed.

He sighs and looks away, becoming busy reading the back of a cd cover.

I have on a short black denim skirt and black vinyl above the knee boots and a fitted royal blue v necked Tshirt and he seems to be having a problem with the amount of cleavage I am exposing.

"Bella, is that shirt something you want to wear to a restaurant?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't eat out much. Isn't it suitable?"

"Something maybe a little more...covering?" he suggests. I want to laugh, if he knew my age his hands would be on my boobs and he would be clapping with glee that I wore this shirt. He is being all big brotherly and its nice.

I turn and go change, digging out one of the many band shirts that come free with the job, that I never wear. Pulp. There you go, nice band for the common people.

He seems a little more comfortable now young Bella is covered up and we go and he opens his passenger door for me to get in.I love this gentlemanly behavior. I have never had a car door opened for me in my life.

Dinner is great fun but I have to watch what I say as Alice is trying to trick me into having more adult conversations and keeps asking my opinion on the economy and global climate change. I figure, new college students probably think they know it all so I meet her challenge and waffle on with some biased and flawed answers and Edward smiles indulgently.

Desert is a rich and gooey chocolate cake and I swear, this cake rivals sex. If I ate this every day, my ladies parts would forget to need attention and I could just be fat and happy and never need the club. Damn, the thought of the club is taking me back to last night.

More cake, I need more cake.

Edward senses where my needs lie and he feeds me a piece of his desert.

I moan in ecstacy and freeze.

Shit.

That wasn't very teenagery.

He stiffens and stares at me.

Shit, shit, shit.

EDWARD'S POV

Every time I relax and think I have Bella pegged, she does something to throw me. The moan that she made when she ate my cake took me instantly back to the club last night and her sister made the identical sound when I was pounding inside her. I had been a little aggressive because I was disappointed she wouldn't meet me and didn't want to get to know me.

I realized I was being unfair and I had slowed and backed off a bit but she had almost screamed at me that she liked it rough sometimes and to go harder so I worked my disappointment out with a good, hard fuck.

Her hair was in my face and I was breathing in her scent and losing myself in her, and it was getting harder to remain detached. I wanted to turn her around and kiss her lips and her neck and her cheeks and her collar bones.

Such a beautiful woman and so close but still untouchable in too many ways. I had to sort myself out. Did I want just the sex, the only thing on offer, or was it going to get too confusing? I just have no experience of sex without a connection and who ever thought that would be a problem?

Most men can just fuck women and feel nothing but lust so why the hell can't I?

Why do I feel the need to connect and know and own?

Its more than just my body that wants her.

I want to delve inside her head and read her mind and know her.

Maybe the club isnt for me after all. But can I give her up?

My body says No but my head says this is only going to lead to pain and heartbreak.

Who do I listen to?

Should I try having sex on a non Sabel night and see if I can remain detached with someone else? I know I said I wanted to only have sex with her but if I find myself wanting to connect with another woman, it will prove the whole club thing is pointless and I will stop going.

If I remain detached, then maybe I need to give up Sabel and just have randoms.

Jasper and Alice are going on to a dance club and Rose and Emmett are heading back to our place so I take Bella back to the girls apartment and watch a movie with her. My mind is distracted as I can't help how much she reminds me of Sabel and my thoughts are a chaotic jumble. Its a relief when Bella falls asleep though she leans against me and then her head is suddenly on my lap and she wriggles into a more comfortable position and I hope my lower parts behave, with her face just there and only a layer of denim and cotton between them.

I come to the conclusion, I am going to the club. Tonight.

I carry Bella to her bedroom and put her into her open bed and lock the place up behind me. I jump in my car and head out to the club.

Its all going on, the place is crowded but I get in fairly quickly and its Men's choice so I stand and look for the most un Sabel looking girl and choose an anorexic looking blond and meet her in Room 303.

The sex is quick and anonymous and I dont feel any need to see this girl again or give her my number, and I dont speak at all, really, or kiss her even though she is willing. Maybe if I continue with randoms, I can fuck Sabel out of my system.

The drive home leaves me even more confused. I feel so damn empty and yes, even guilty, like I betrayed Sabel yet I didn't, she didn't want a connection , she said she didn't care if I fucked other girls.

I stand in the shower and suddenly I know exactly why Jasper cried in the shower before he met Alice.

Because random sex is soul destroying. I feel a little less of a man and a little further removed from God. I can't go back there.


	6. Chapter 6

The Club

Chapter 6

Exposure

EDWARD'S POV

I'm not going to the club tonight. Not tonight or any other night. Not happening.I'm watching a dvd and having a few drinks, that's the plan.

I start pacing and tell myself this is the right decision. I have to stop before it hurts.

It already hurts.

Suddenly I realize, I can't just stop going. I have to go one more time and explain the Sabel.

Of course I do. It would be rude not to.

I am out of the quick shower and in my car and its Mens Night so I rush to the window and there she is. Looking anxious. Other girls have already been chosen so she is thinking I am not here.

"A 13" I say and the announcement goes into the room and she stands to leave.

I watch her greedily, seeing its so dark in the rooms we end up in. I wish I could see her better in there, explore every inch of her body.

I can touch her but I can't see her enough. I want to imprint her on my brain.

Room 107, door is open so I walk in and she is sitting on the side of the bed with her feet on the floor. She looks up as I walk in and breathes out a sigh of relief.

"God, Sol, I thought you weren't there. I was wondering what to do if someone else chose me. I don't think I could sleep with someone else."

I want to soothe her and asure her I will always be here for her but I can't. I have to tell her this isn't for me.

I find myself stripping off my clothes and I decide I will have one last time with her then tell her I won't be back.

She is still sitting there and her silhouette is so beautiful. I can see the shape of her face and the build of her body, the soft rise of her breasts, the roundness of her ass. Her legs are shapely and I run a hand down one and stop and circle her ankle.

Gorgeous. Tiny feet, slim ankles, she is perfect.

My body is reacting big time and I unconsciously start to rock as I sit, anxious to be inside her.

I kneel in front of her and lick her belly and pull her closer to the edge of the bed. I want to taste her again. One more time.

She opens her legs wide and holds onto my head as I push my tongue inside her wetness. Delicious. Salt, sugar, lemony, honey.

Sabel.

She tastes unique and I want more. I plunge my hard tongue inside and flick around, searching for that spongey spot that sends her over the edge. There it is. She stiffens then grinds herself closer to me and I pull out and plunge in with my tongue and get lost in her arousal. My dick is so hard its hurting as it stands ready for action.

She moans and I try and forget how like Bella she sounds.

As she comes on my mouth, I am already planning what to do next.

I lift her onto her hands and knees and mount her and enter quickly then balance on my knees so I can hold her breasts in my hands as I pump her from behind. Her nipples are hard as rocks and I pull and twist them so she moans again and again I shake that memory out of my head.

My God, if your little sister knew what you were doing now.

I am picturing Bella at home, maybe painting her toenails black and watching Johnny Depp and having innocent fun. Unlike Sabel.

God, I realize the image of Bella is making me harder and I fight it off and ram inside this woman before me harder and harder.

This is getting fucked up.

Sabel is for sex, Bella is a friend. Bella, Bella, Bella my mind chants as I rock inside the woman who is most likely her sister and as I explode inside her, I feel guilty. Shit.

Guilty like I am cheating on Bella. Like she doesn't know what I do and I should stay away from her. She is a friend, and a younger friend.

She cannot be exposed to me.

I have to stop this train of thought.

My dick is hard again and I roughly take Sabel and throw her on her back and get inside her again. I am hard and relentless and I pound into her, over and over, not caring if she comes or not. I have to come again.

Sabel wants me to fuck her, fine. I fuck harder than I ever have and feel her push back and give as much as she gets.

It makes me determined to beat her and I push repeatedly until finally I fill her up. Panting, I stop and withdraw and fall beside her.

"Got that out of your system?" she asks.

"God, sorry, sorry" I beg.

"Its okay. I am here to be fucked and I just got fucked good and proper.

That was incredible."

"Did you come?" I ask. I hope at least I gave her a release.

"Three times, thank you."

Good.

"You are not coming back, are you?" she asks as I dress and turn to leave.

"Nope. Sorry. Its just not for me. Good luck, enjoy whoever you hook up with next. Nice knowing you."

I have to go so I get out and almost run once I leave the club.

I feel so fucking confused but I can leave her now.

Leave her in my past, my dirty secret.

I get home and shower in red hot water and scrub myself raw.

Its not that Sabel is dirty, its me who is.

I want more.

The next day we are all going out again and I know I have to sort out my growing feelings for Bella.

She is so funny and sweet and I love her company.

And I know she isn't looking for a boyfriend but bad luck because thats what I want to be.

I will ask her how old she is, straight out.

If she is say, 22, then maybe I will back off but if she is any older, I am pursuing this girl.

Sometimes she seems so young but when her temper sparks and when she moans at a piece of chocolate cake, I swear she is my own age.

The others disappear as usual and leave Bella and I alone.

We buy popcorn and enter the cinema and sit beside the aisle, with Bella to my right.

"So, Bella, Twenty questions while we wait for the movie to begin?"

"Sure, Edward, but I get to ask you 20 questions back."

Oops.

"Fine."

"How old are you?"

"How old do you think I am?"

"No, answer the question."

"Twenty five" she says.

"Really? You have to answer honestly."

"Honestly, Edward. I am twenty five years old as of September."

Last month.

"How old are you?" she throws back at me.

"Twenty seven in three months time."

"Cool. You seem older."

"Yeah, well you seem much younger. I thought you were seventeen the first night I met you."

"Yeah, I know. I did play that up a bit."

"You knew?"

"I figured it out. The teen magazine? I edit that sucker. Its my job."

"Now I feel foolish."

"Well, don't. Out of all the magazines, you chose mine."

"Yeah, well it has a great editor" I laugh.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You asked me this before. No."

"Will you go out on a date with me?"

"What?" She is surprised."I thought you were pursuing some girl?"

"I saw that girl last night and we aren't going anywhere. I want to date you."

"You didn't stop seeing her for me?" she questions.

"I did. I want more than she could offer. I saw her for one reason. Sex. I enjoy your company. I want to get to know you better."

"Okay."

"Okay you will let me date you?"

"Sure" she replies and frowns a little.

"Where did you meet her?" she asks.

"I told you. At a sex club. A place a girl like you will never go."

She pales and looks at me sharply.

I knew it. She knows her sister goes there. By the look on her face, her sister has mentioned me and Bella just put the pieces together.

BELLA'S POV

Fuck.

Fuck.

Why did I never see this?

How could I have never put two and two together and come up with Edward?

Shit.

He will work it out one day then I am fucked.

He obviously has gone off Sabel big time and when he finds out...

Fuck.

I try to remember how I did my make up, what I wore..thats easy, I always wore the same burgandy dress. The cleavage revealing, soft fabric that draped across my body in its cross over design. Easy to get off, easy to get on.

I have to bin the dress.

My phone. I turn it off and tell him to do the same. There is a sign saying turn off all phones so I point it out. I will escape to the ladies room as soon as I can and delete his number.

I can't wait. I feel if I keep it, he will borrow my phone or something so I tell him I need to use the restroom and bolt.

I scroll through my contacts and delete SOL from my list.

I turn the phone off again and slowly walk back.

I feel deceitful. He has been open and honest with me.

I can't tell him.

The movie seems to take forever and Edward keeps up the twenty questions so I answer, but only after thinking every answer through twice.

Full name?

Isabella Marie Swan.

How many partners have I had?

Six? Eight? I don't know. Do I include you?

He pauses on one question.

The sibling question.

"No, I don't have any siblings" I answer, because inventing an older sister will soon be exposed as a lie.

He looks surprised then relieved and asks me about cousins.

Girl cousins.

I list the few I have.

All the wrong age and all live far from here.

I know what he wants to know.

After the movie, he takes me out to eat and I relax and enjoy his company and figure I will talk to Rose and Alice about this issue later.

When we get back home, he comes in and we lay on my bed and talk quietly and I hear Alice come home, with Jasper and we giggle at the sounds we overhear.

It feels like we are a couple of teens again and we keep really quiet so they won't be embaressed in the morning.

Edward ends up sleeping in my bed but he just wraps his arms around me and pulls my back to his chest and I fall asleep and feel comforted by his presence which is weird because I have never let a man spend a whole night in my bed. I always give them the old "is that the time?And I have that big meeting in the morning..yeah, probably best that you go." talk.

But Edward is different. I really like him and I am glad we have sorted everything out.

Almost everything.

The next day we all go to the beach. Edward has a flat out schedule this week so I won't see him again until next weekend.

Its cool, it will give me time to catch up at work and maybe get ahead and free some time for the future when he has time off.

We lay in the shallows and float and every time a wave comes in, I get a faceful of water, which he thinks is funny so I go sit on him and push him under the little waves.

He throws me off easily and its on. Dunking and splashing and he unties my bikini top so I try to pull his shorts down.

Big mistake.

He chases me up the beach and then stops and goes to get his wallet and buys us both a snowy white ice cream and halfway through, he drops his on my back.

I lay there seething and trying to see the funny side but really? Melted ice cream. Probably melted pigfat.

I have to swim again to get it off me and then I stand under the shower.

Edward is writing in the sand with a stick.

Isabella

Edward

A wave comes in and sneaks up and washes away the first letter of my name and the last two and I freeze as he laughs then looks and he freezes.

sabel

Edward.

My goose is cooked.


	7. Chapter 7

Club7  
**A/N Can I just say I love my reviewers? I may not be online much over Easter so will update as much as I can but I don't think having a 6 year old to watch will allow me a lot of writing time. I shall bribe the teens to help with him if I can. Happy Easter to you all, and my hubby has a week off after Easter so you know what we will be doing...Cheers,Lynzi**

The Club

Chapter 7

Paying the Piper

EDWARD'S POV

It wasn't really the evidence in the sand as much as the look on her face. I could have almost passed it off as a coincidence but the look on Bella's face told the entire story. From prologue to final chapter last night.

She had been playing me. From Day One I suspect, did she always known? Did she know when she 'met' me that night at Alice's? Did she think this was funny? She thought allowing me to think she was seventeen was funny.

Maybe she thinks playing with my emotions is funny too.

I stood and stared at the two names and back at her.

She was scarlet in the face, blushing furiously, knowing the game was up.

I couldn't trust myself to speak. The words would tear and slice her to pieces and I needed time to think. What was I so angry about? Deception? Her going to the club? The same club I used? It was hypocritical but I thought better of her.I would never have linked the two of them, Sabel and Bella. Sabel was sex, Bella was a nice, sweet girl who had been hurt by life experiences and I wanted to protect her and be there for her. More fool me.

No wonder I mixed things up in my head. Bits of Sabel, bits of Bella, both intriguing me and luring me in and making me want them both.

I turned and walked to where my towel and bag lay and picked them up and walked to my car. As I unlocked it, I turned at looked at her, Bella, Sabel, whoever and shook my head.

"Well played. You win." I said and got in the car and drove away.

Emmett would take her home. She could have a good laugh with Rose and Alice and tell them how she sucked me in and how I never realized, for one single minute, the two were one. They were so different. Sabel, so sexy, confident, knew her needs, remained detached. Bella, so innocent and young, sweet and so easy to want to befriend and protect, who let me lie innocently in her bed. As she lay in my arms and messed with my heart.

Dangerous. The most dangerous creature alive.

Set me against a rattlesnake any day.

I drove aimlessly then went home and sat in my room and thought about why I felt so let down and cheated and disappointed. Wasn't she what I wanted? And needed? A composite of both women, singly they both intoxicated me, combined surely they were perfect for me? The raw sex, the knowledge she could satisfy my needs even when I was feeling savage and animalistic, most girls would flee from that. And the other her. Made me feel like she needed me, like she wanted my company, like she liked me even though I had told her everything.

All I know is I can't see her again.

I can't put the why into words.

I feel so betrayed but why?

I feel used and cheated, but why?

I feel let down because I freaking loved that girl and she wasn't who I thought.

Loved. I snort at myself and my drama. I don't love her. I have never loved anyone.

When I do love someone, it won't be a girl who acts like innocence and beauty and purity and spends her nights fucking in a sex club.

Why is it all right for men and not for women? Its prejudiced and sexist and every type of politically incorrect and anti feminist and it makes no fucking difference.

I had been able to walk away from Sabel because she was fulfilling only my basic sexual needs. But Bella was filling my days with sunshine and joy and happiness and I resent that being taken away from me.

I feel like a fool, like I was fooled from day one.

I curse my own stupidity.

Sleep came slowly that night and my dreams were full of angels morphing into devils and whores who had teen magazines beside their beds and girls who spoke softly and laughed at you behind your back.

I had turned my phone off in the cinema and I left it off. There was nobody I wanted to talk to.

Work was brutal and I was grateful for that. I had no time to think or remember. It was all blood and gore and loss and now and then, a gain as we pulled someone back from the clutches of certain death and gave them another chance to live.

My final exams took up any spare minute, studying like I had never before, getting every procedure and fact imprinted in my head.

The weeks passed and the finals came and went and I relaxed, knowing I had done my utmost. If it wasn't good enough, then this wasn't meant to be.

My body had been hibernating through this time and I never gave sex a thought until now. Now it was over and I was a real doctor, ready to start my career and my life. Finally there would be time and energy for things other than my job. Time for girls and girlfriends and dating and why did that not interest me at all? My arms were the thing. They lay there at night and there was an empty chasm in my bed yet how many times had she slept in my arms? Not often enough for me to feel so deprived.

Emmett and Jasper had never spoken a word about her. They still spent most nights away and they never brought Rose and Alice back any more. I guess that made Bella the spare wheel, the one left out. Unless she had moved on and found herself that boyfriend.

I didn't want to know.

I personally think she was right. Its not worth the struggle. There is no happy ever after because even the perfect one is flawed and not what you assumed. So, whats the point?

I wandered into the club and looked at the girls on offer. She wasn't there, though I looked every night for ten nights straight. I asked Heidi and she told me, A 13 had turned in her ticket and closed her membership. Someone else had her number now.

I didn't stay. I wasn't interested in other girls. I went to a dance club and danced with some random women and let them rub their half drunk bodies up against mine on the dancefloor then went home alone. I have no idea what the hell is going on with me. Why can't I shut that door and just forget her? She is nothing to me.

I found myself sitting in my car outside FYI magazine and saw a group of women come out together for lunch and she looks exactly the same. Seventeen at first glance, then you notice she is too beautiful, too shapely, to be a teen. She is a woman.

Her hair is done up in a messy bun, her clothes look all businesslike and sexy as hell. My heart races as she almost looks my way but someone speaks to her and she changes direction and looks back at the speaker instead. I feel drawn to her as always but that way lies heartbreak so I drive away and wonder, is this it? Is this my life from now on? Pining and stalking and stealing glimpses?

Kate comes into my life when I am at my lowest point and its refreshing to meet a woman who is open and honest and what you see is what you get.

Emmett is right, he keeps telling me to either go make up with Bella or get the hell on with my life so I choose the less painful option and ask Kate out on a date.

She accepts and its nice, having a woman I have so much in common with, at my side.

In theory, she is what I need. Same profession so we know what each others life is like, how it can overwhelm you at times and suck your very lifeblood out, how a failure can devastate you. I never have to explain how I feel when one of my patients turns on me and dies when I thought I was winning.

I never have to give excuses when I don't see her for a week, she knows its because work is just taking me over for a bit. She is always there when I do catch a break and have time and things ease up.

I know she is ready for us to move into that last stage where the sex becomes part of us and its a natural progression and we are adults, with pasts and hopefully, a future.

I just fear making myself vulnerable again. Once I commit to this relationship, I have to let go and move on. For all intents and purposes, I have. But this is the one area. She is still the last woman I was inside and I don't want to let go of that.

Its like I can keep part of her with me then I realize, its Sabel who was the last woman, not Bella. I can let her go. Its not the same at all. I never made love to Bella so this embargo on sex is ridiculous. I turned my back on Sabel long ago and I don't miss her.

Its Bella's smile and laugh I crave. It's Bella I don't want to let go of. If I sleep with Kate, it has no impact on Bella at all. She was never mine.

I pour two glasses of wine and reach to twirl a strand of blond hair and drink a toast.

"To us" says Kate.

Goodbye, Bella, I silently toast.

She is lost to me now, completely and I follow Kate to her bedroom.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

BELLA'S POV

Bella is back and Bella was right in the first place. there are no happy ever afters. There are people who disguise themselves as the one, and make you let down your defences and want them and their arms around you at night and their lips on yours and their bodies to worship yours but they leave in the end. They always leave.

There is no answer.

There are no fairytales.

There are short term, quick fix solutions and there is sometimes a space of time when you fool them and they don't see you for the fraud you are but they work it out in the end and then they go.

I had to move out of the apartment I shared with Alice and Rose because seeing Emmett and Jasper all the freaking time, night after night, made me wonder and long for things I can't have and it just got to the point where I was always laying there, in my room, waiting to hear that third voice when the boys came around. Jasper would speak and my heart would race and wait for the next voice. Emmett would call to Rose, and I would cross him off the list and wait, and wait in vain for the velvety voice to ask, "Where's Bella?" and wait for those eyes to light up when he saw me and those arms to wrap around me and lie with me and make me laugh and drop ice cream on my back. No,not that.

We don't think about that day. That day was the bad day, the day he saw through the pretense and saw the real me. That day is the end.

I found a small, one bedroom apartment on the other side of the city. The commute is a bitch and I often just take the train because being stuck in traffic day after day is not my thing. At least the train just gets me there on time and I don't have to find a park.

I got promoted. I think they gave me the promotion simply for being the one always there at work. Its almost as if I have no life outside the job now.

I never go anywhere, I can't eat out in case we ate there, or go to the beach because my eyes search every person, looking for him. And the cinema reminds me of twenty questions and sharing popcorn and my stomach clenches like it did that time when I was worried Edward would see Sol's name on my list.

Deception has a price and I am paying the piper.

I rarely see the girls but that's good because the pity in their eyes is more than I can stand. Alice only said she told me so, once and got it out of her system. She warned me no good would come of putting up a false front with Edward and to be honest and just let us try, just be ourselves but it was all too late and too fucked up by then.

I will never be able to forget that look in his eyes.

The look of discovery and disappointment and hurt.

I put that look there.

Me and my silly games. Me not knowing what I had until it was too late.

Me not laying myself open and honest and seeing if it was salvageable.

Me standing there ,watching him get in his car and driving away.

I have never seen him since. Sure, I 'see' him everywhere, but its never really him so now I don't react to flashes of copper tinged hair or green eyes that look into your soul.

Now iys just me, Bella Swan, alone in the world, as it was always meant to be.

I will never have to see him again and I am glad because my heart would not survive five minutes in his company, knowing how badly I let him down.

Its better this way. I have nobody to love therefore nobody to hurt and at night, I feel the ghost of his arms around me. And I dream of him and he isn't let down by me, he likes me. He smiles and splashes me and chases me and drops ice cream on my back.

No, not that. That ends the dream and wakes me up to my cold, lonesome reality.

Weeks have passed and life goes on, even though you can't imagine how.

You adjust. You move. You change. You shut doors and bury memories and you survive.

Then one day, a girl who thought loved you and was your best friend rings up and tells you she is getting married and you are to be her bridesmaid and he is to be best man and it all tumbles down.


	8. Chapter 8

The Club

Chapter 8

The Wedding

Alice was like a pixie on speed as the wedding approached. She planned and replanned every last detail and Rose and I went along for the ride, never suggesting, just following orders as Alice had known excatly how her wedding would be since she was ten years old. Nothing had changed other than new favorite colors and more up to date dress styles for Rose and I, the bridesmaids. She had grown her light brown hair long and straight for the last few years and it was usually pulled back into a ponytail but she had cut pictures from magazines for years showing the elaborate style it would be twisted and curled and teased into for the big day.

Then Rose threw a curve ball and had her shoulder length blond hair cut into a chin length bob which Alice was crazy about and next thing, Alices own hair was bobbed to her chin but , to be unique, she had some wicked spikey bits jutting out at the sides and back. Of course, I knew what was coming next. My hair was wavy and almost to my hips and I saw the writing on the wall. Alice dragged me along to her favorite stylist and I cringed as he waved his scissors about and talked of feathering and dramatic reduction in length and thickness. I used my hair as my security blanket, I hid behind it when I wanted to hide from the world and a chin length bob was not going to allow that. I ended up fleeing with my tresses still intact and merely promised Alice I would seriously think about having a matching cut.

All this fuss for one day.

Once the photos were taken she wouldn't care less if I shaved my head. I wasn't at all sure I was ready to face the world as a new Bella. Maybe it was what I needed to do but I felt the butterflies flutter inside everytime I looked at the million and one magazine cuttings of celebrities with the 'amazing bob' haircut that Alice had given me to study. Was I willing to sacrifice my hair for Alice?

I guess it was a true test of friendship.

My main other battle was raging inside. Edward was bringing a date to the wedding and I would have to see her hands on his body. I either pushed the image away and promised to examine it later or dissolved into tears and wanted to call Alice and tell her, I felt the swine flu coming on so I couldn't attend after all.

Knowing how he hates me and will probably ignore me completely anyway is actually no comfort as I know my eyes will be searching for him, seeking him out and watching him all night long. But I have to have some self respect and I even consider taking one of my workmates or gym buddies with me as my 'date' whom I will use and abuse and toss aside the second the reception finishes.

The wedding rehearsal dinner is my second biggest fear as it will be the first time I have seen Edward since he got in his car and drove away from the beach, and me.

I dressed and did my make up early, just to make the time go faster or slower, or to stop altogether, that would be nice, and I found my flask creeping to my lips a few times as I worried and obsessed, would he pretend not to know me? Make snarky comments?Act like we just met tonight? Would he bring her and kiss her in front of me and go out of his way to show how he had no feelings for me?

I wished and prayed that I had none for him but they wouldn't take the hint and disappear, no matter what I did.

Rose came and picked me up, almost literally, and splashed cold water on my face and lectured me on the evils of drinking as she emptied my flask down the bathroom basin and took away my last crutch of support.

"Right, bathroom now, fingers down your throat or I swear I will put my fingers down there, and get rid of the contents of your stomach, NOW" she ordered and stood outside the door, listening for proof I had followed orders.

I have little gag reflex whixh is sometimes a good thing but while forcing oneself to barf up a half bottle of liquor, not so hot.

Finally, my stomach stopped painfully cramping and it was done.

I felt like I had run a marathon and I washed my face and brushed my teeth repreatedly and finally, I passed muster and Rose threw me into her car and drove us to the venue. Everyone else was there already and as I entered, I was hit with another wave of nausea so my grand entrance was a little spoiled as I ran for the Ladies bathroom and got rid of the few remaining drops of rum.

I cursed myself, alcohol makers, alcohol inventors, all men, all women, weddings and brides, Alice in particular and Rose I just wished to hell. She should have thrown a blanket on me and let me at home.

Finally, I walked out to face the music and was relieved everyone was so involved in last minute adjustments that I was pretty much ignored so I lay my head on the table and prayed to die.

I could hear his voice and his laugh and I hated God for ever letting my parents have sex and conceive me, at that moment.

I didn't bother looking to see what she looked like, he was stunningly gorgeous and the most beautiful man on the planet, she was hardly going to be Ugly Betty.

I heard his velvet voice purr her name, Kate, and I had a new target for my loathing. Kate. What sort of name is Kate? How very...common, normal, popular, damn it, I want to hate the name but I can't come up with a reason.

Jasper was worried about me and came to sit beside me and rub my hand in sympathy.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I feel responsible. I forced him to go to the club. I dragged him along unwillingly to meet you at Alice's place. I should have stayed out of it completely. He obviously can find women for himself," he paused and I felt him look over at the wonderful Kate" and I should never have involved you."

"Not your fault, Jasper" I whispered as my head was starting to throb already.

I stood to go, I wasn't any use at all to Alice like this, I may as well leave.

Jasper stood and looked from me to Alice, trying to decide if he could take me home or if that would incur the wrath of the pixie. Next thing, someone else was at my other side, helping me stand upright and I sighed as I bowed to the inevitability of it all.

"I can take her home, Jasper. Alice wants you." he murmured and Jasper gave me one last apologetic glance and was gone.

"You don't need to bother, Edward" I rasped and pulled myself from his grasp and exited the room as rapidly as my shaky legs would allow. I walked across the road and into the darkness and sat beside the front wheel of a parked car, in the gutter, hidden from anyone on the other side of the road. I could hear Edward cursing as he paced back and forth looking for where I had disappeared to, and I risked a quick glance in the gap between this car and the next and saw him run his fingers through his hair as he looked frantically for me.

Much as I had hoped he had lost his looks and turned plain so I could cope a little better, he looked ravishing.

His darn long fingers taunted me as he attacked his hair and subjected it to even more mayhem then I watched him walk inside and I stood and walked down the street, not even attempting to stop the flow of tears.

I eventually came to a small park and I walked through it until finding a park bench, sinking onto it and trying to pull myself out of this misery. I had to be there for Alice tomorrow, I had to act and pretend I was fine, I could skip out of the reception as soon as the bride and groom left, I didn't have to talk to anyone but Rose and Alice. I could do that.

I felt my sore head beg me to lay it down for a minute so I slid until I was laying full length on the wooden bench and the next thing I knew, I was awoken by the sound of dogs fighting and an old homeless drunk was sitting at my feet, offering me a sip from his paperbag of cheap booze.

Tempted as I was,to accept his charity and become one like him and thus avoid the whole wedding fiasco, I stood and made my way back to the road and flagged a cab and went home. As I alighted, I saw a figure huddled on my front mat and I cursed as I walked up to the entrance and had to face Edward.

"Bella, where the hell have you been? I have the police looking for you. Look at you, for God's sake."

He grabbed the key from my hand and pulled me inside.

"Why are you living her by yourself? You can't look after yourself, that is obvious."

I knew I must look like shit, my hair was a matted mess, maybe I should just get the bob in the morning.

He led me to my bathroom after opening a closing the few doors to find it, and then he unceremoniously stripped me of my now damp clothes and forced me into the shower stall as the hot water cascaded down my naked body.

I didn't feel even slightly self concious, he had seen it all before after all. Seen it, touched it, caressed it.

He stood outside the stall, turning to the side to avoid splashback on to his clothes,as he washed my hair and squeezed the conditioner through then rinsed it out before turning off the water and wrapping me in towels as he pulled me to the tiny sitting room where he sat me on a cushion taken from the couch. He pulled me between his legs and started to comb my hair out. I could never have it cut, it was Edward's not mine. He cared for it better than I ever had.

It was the one thing he maybe still liked about me and I couldn't take that away.

Once it was untangled, he twisted it up and handed me a hair tie from the bathroom and I made it into a type of knot so it would dry wavy and soft.

I couldn't look at him. He stood awkwardly then went into the kitchen area and came back with two mugs of coffee.

"Whats wrong, Bella? Is seeing me again that traumatic? Can you really not stand to be in my presence for a single day? We have to do this for Jasper and Alice, then we can go our own ways until the next wedding. I have no doubt this whole thing will spur Emmett into proposing to Rose. One more wedding and we can be free of each other, you won't ever have to see me again."

If this was supposed to cheer me up, it wasn't working. The idea I would never see him again unless Rose tied the knot...and even if she did, one more nightmarish wedding then nothing. Goodbye to life, love, or whatever it was between us so briefly. He didn't want it, he had left me. No chance to even explain.

I just let the tears flow again and waited for him to get exasperated and leave as I knew he would.

Instead, he leaned down and brushed the tears of my cheeks with the pad of his thumbs and pulled me up and carried me into my bedroom. My bed was unmade from last night so he slid me naked and cold between the covers and pulled them over kissed the top of my head and it just made me cry harder.

He turned to leave and I heard myself whisper "Don't go."

He turned and his hair copped another yanking as he pulled and pushed his fingers through it.

"I can't stay. I left Kate at the motel." he said and I knew he had new obligations now.

"Okay" I said and turned my back to him so I didn't have to watch him leave.

He stood for a while then sighed and walked to my front door and it echoed after he closed it.

x x x x x x x x x x x

"Its gorgeous, Bella' shrieked Alice, clapping her hands as she darted to look at me from every angle. The bobbed brown wig sat tight and uncomfortable over my braided and squashed flat hair, and I agreed, it did look cute, us all having the same cut.

The make up artist was working her magic on my eyes and the black bags below them and she made me look as pretty as was humanly possible in the circumstances.

I would not let Alice down.

Our dresses were eased over our heads and the scarves protecting our faces removed, and we stood together and gazed at ourselves in the full length mirror.

Not bad at all. Alice looked amazing, her natural beauty merely highlighted and enhanced by a light dusting of make up. Rose looked her usual glorious self and I was strictly the also ran but even I looked good enough.

I was glad there would be photos to document this day, probably the day I looked the prettiest I ever had.

Of course, I would be attached to the arm of a man who was so naturally beautiful, nobody would be looking at me anyway.

Rose hustled us towards the main room where the groom and his two best friends stood, waiting and impatient, and Rose prodded me to make my way down the aisle first.

Every face was turned towards me and while most looked happy and surprised but enchanted at my 'new hair', Edward looked thunderous.

I smiled weakly at Jasper, avoiding eye contact with his glaring best man, and managed to complete the length of the aisle without tripping, collapsing or passing out. All fears I had fostered.

Rose walked elegantly behind me and stood by my side then Alice danced down the aisle on her fathers arm and I kept my eyes trained on her, nobody else. She looked like a dream. I risked a quick glance at Jasper and was rewarded with a view of his broad grin as he worshipped his wife to be with his eyes. I almost cried at the open display of love that shone from him.

Oh to have the chance to experience this kind of love!

I knew it wasn't on the cards for me, Bella Swan, but seeing Alice live the dream was still an enthralling and emotional buzz.

The padre said the usual stuff and Jasper pledged his love and life to Alice and she accepted and returned the compliment and next thing, we were linking arms with the men and walking down the aisle to the outside where photographers waited. I didn't look at Edward, merely took the arm he offered and thought about how this time tomorrow, it would all be in the past and I could never have to feel this way again.

I had decided, if Rose gets married, I will be away overseas on a last minute excursion to Athens or something.

Not going through this torture ever again.

I will buy her some amazing gift and be her kitchen slave for six months after the honeymoon but I will never trek down an aisle on Edward Cullens arm again.

It was the purest form of torture.

The lights falshed and we were pulled and pushed and posed and the girls together, then the whole group, then one of just Edward and I, "Look at his face, look like you adore him, come on, girlie, he is a gorgeous looking creature, you can fake affection for one minute surely."

Sure, I could fake. I wanted to fake. What I didn't want to do was expose my feelings and my heart for all to see and naturally, that was what happened the minute my eyes met his. My mouth split into a glorious smile against my strict instructions to just faintly smile. My eyes sparkled and shone back at his, my face blushed slightly so my skin was a warm happy pink.

Then it was over, the photos done, the guests mingling with us and glasses of champagne pushed into hands and Edward was gone. My eyes sought where he went and I saw him approach a beautiful girl with long fair hair and brilliant blue eyes and he smiled at her like I had smiled at him, and my heart shattered into a thousand icicles and I became, in that moment, an oscar winning actress as I drank toasts and chatted to guests and pretended I didnt care that his heart was full of her.

Finally Jasper and Alice left and I planned my escape route.

Rose cut me off at the pass and tried to insist I come out with a group of them who were partying on all night.

"Bella, it will be fun."

"Who is going?"

I asked. Maybe I could escape from him this way.

"Emmett, the college lot, the cousins and Edward and Kate. There's a guy I think you will like. His name is Jarrod and he is bloody hot and you need someone to fu.."

"Okay Rose" I agreed before she completed her sentence. I knew what I needed.

I got in the car with Emmett and Rose and a tall, russett skinned man named Jarrod and smiled my best fake smile and wondered when I could get my hands on some real booze.

Bloody champagne, all froth and bubbles. I needed something that worked better and harder than that.

The dance club was pulsing loudly as we trooped in and Jarrod pulled me straight to the dance floor and I felt myself pressed against his body and grabbed close by his arms and the crowd around us. This felt good. Rose appeared beside me and handed me a shot glass and I drank it down gratefully and prepared for the alcohol cure for depression. It doesn't work for long but the few hours you get lost in its haze are worth the price.

Despite my pledge to concentrate on Jarrod and not look for green eyes and copper hair, of course he was the first person I saw. He and Kate were on the very outside of the dancefloor, ignoring the loud, unmelodic music as she swayed in his arms to music only they could hear and he leaned in close and spoke in her ear then as he moved back, they had eye contact and both smiled in the intimate way that tells the rest of the world it doesn't matter or exist for them.

I was crippled with envy. He had found what I had denied wanting but had secretly craved with all my soul.

And I could have had it with him. Had I played my cards right, better, more openly, I would be where Kate was, I would be swaying in his arms and gazing in his eyes and breathing in the air he exhaled. He had asked me as Sabel, to get to know him, to allow him in.

He had started down that path with me as Bella, until that moment when everything came tumbling down.

That was almost me.

I pushed Jarrod away, I was not compounding my mistakes by pretending with him, I freed him immediately and walked away because I could not stand to watch any more.

I had never felt so alone in all my life.

**Hope you all enjoyed your mini break from work. Those who believe, wave to my dad, Peter, who crossed over to the other side yesterday. Cheers,Lynzi**


	9. Chapter 9

**For Mandee, cos I made her sad! Sorry,its still pretty emo!**

The Club

After The Wedding

EDWARD'S POV

Seeing Bella walk down that aisle was the best and worst of sights. I really thought I detected something between us when she asked me to stay the night before the wedding but she knows how I value her hair and seeing it cut short just was a slap in the face. I was convinced it was a message to me. I rejected her by not staying that night and going to Kate instead. She rejected me by cutting the thing I had made plain I loved and adored. She was using her hair as a way of saying, you rejected me, now I reject you.

I decided to play her game and continue to try and build a relationship with Kate. I really do like Kate and she has all the qualifications I want in a girlfriend and we have everything in common, the same goals, the same interests, she is open and willing to accept me as I am, and she is in theory everything I would ever need.

But there is that one missing ingredient. Connection. I want the connection so I fake the connection in the hope the act will become real some day.

Seeing Bella downing a shot as she ground against the large Native American on the dance floor almost did me in but I pretended to be calm and unaffected and I danced with Kate and wished to God she was Bella.

I know its unfair to her but in countries were arranged marriages are the norm, couples do fall in love and have happy and lasting relationships and it can work for us. We can start with just basic attraction and build on that. Once I truly learn to forget Bella, we will have a chance of happiness.

Lets face it, nothing works for me but relationships, I cant settle for less.

Bella has demonstrated time and again her distain for me yet she still sparks my heart and makes me want her so much.

I cannot help it. I am lucky Kate was willing to overlook those hours I sat on Bella's doorstep waiting for her to come home. There was no way I could leave until I knew and saw for myself that she was safe.

And my anger was simply concern that had waited too long for her appearance.

I washed her hair with all the love my heart felt and I convinced myself I was unaffected by the sight of her beautiful naked body as I rinsed her hair.

I wanted to wrap her in myself, not in those towels.

I wanted to warm her body with mine and lay with her in my arms all night and it was only when I put her to bed that Kate entered my head and reminded I had to go back to her, not lay here with Bella and my heart so I left my heart with her.

Then the next day she comes to the wedding with the hair I love gone, cut off, taken from my hands. I wanted to growl and slap Alice and Rose who were clearly behind it but Bella was an adult and knew what she had done.

It was just a different way to slap my hopes away and I switched into actor mode and played the part expected of me by the time I had to escort her down that aisle.

The experience of walking down an aisle with Bella on my arm was exhilarating but heartbreaking.

There was a moment when I had to reign in hope when the photographer snapped a shot of the two of us alone and Bella looked at me with what appeared to be genuine love.

I knew it couldn't be that so I made sure I left her side as soon as I could and ran back to Kate, my anchor.

I feel very confused about Kate.

She is so close to my ideal, closer than Bella. This should mean Kate holds the larger part of my heart yet she doesn't.

Its wrong and stupid and I want to want her. I want her to be the one. I want an open honest relationship with a woman who doesn't play games with me and my heart.

Can Bella be that woman? No, I don't think so.

Kate is the better and safer choice.

So why did I find myself unable to make love to her that night?

Why have I been unable to touch her since?

She has noticed and she is doing all she can, but all I see when I close my eyes is a silhouette sitting on the side of a bed and I refuse to use that image to get myself in the mood to make love to Kate.

Kate surprised me with a sexy outfit when I got home tonight. She was sitting in my bed and as I walked in, she spread herself out on my bed and beckoned me towards her with her finger.

I begged God to allow me to want her as much as she wanted me but I wanted to run. I wanted to turn and leave and go find Bella.

I tried to smile but my face held a grimace instead and her face dropped and I saw tears well in her eyes and I knew I had to stop this now.

She was worth more than being my stand in lover.

I sat on the side of the bed and put my head in my hands and she slithered to my side and wrapped her arms around me.

I sat there and cried with her, because neither of us could have what we wanted.

"It's going to be okay, Edward. I can wait as long as it takes. She will become a memory one day and you can move on and I will be waiting" she promised.

I shook my head.

"i am truly unworthy of you, Kate. It isn't going to happen for us. I am so truly sorry about that. You have no idea how I wish you could be the one."

"You can't force feelings, Edward' she said and kissed the side of my face before standing and dressing in my bathroom as I sat alone on my bed.

Really stupid move, Edward. Now you are alone. Rejecting Kate gets you no closer to Bella.

After Kate kissed me goodbye and left, I drove to the beach and sat in the cold and dark and remembered that day. I idly picked up a stick and traced my name and Bella's in the sand.

Edward loves Bella.

The naked truth.

The undeniable truth.

The pointless, useless truth.

I went home when the cold had seeped into my bones and threw myself on my empty bed and allowed myself a small window of grief before I fell asleep and dreamed of Bella.

She was dressed in white and she floated down the aisle towards me. I was waiting and smiling and she came straight into my arms instead of standing beside me. I kissed her before the vicar even said a word. I was home, she was home, we were one. I can't fight the truth. She may not love me but I am no longer fighting against the tide. I will wait and watch and become her friend, if that is all she will allow. In my dreams, she will be mine and I can have her any way I like. Nobody can stop a dream. My every thought was of Bella and her doe eyes and her mahogany tinged hair, and it was long and full again and it was all for me.

Work came to my rescue. Kate was no longer working in the same section of the hospital as I was and it took me a day to even notice. I am a bad person. She deserved better than I could offer her. I had done the right thing by her, finally.

I was sitting in the break room hurriedly drinking a too hot coffee when Kate rushed in and knelt at my feet.

I was embarrassed and shocked by her actions and didn't hear what she said.

She looked at me and shook my body when I didn't react.

"Edward. Listen to me, honey. Its Bella. She has been hurt. Come with me."

I walked as if in a dream with Kate as she led me by my arm.

Paramedics were transferring several patients from their stretchers to our trolleys and they are bloody and broken. A group of doctors surrounded each person and I heard them idscussing what had happened.

"Bloody old unsafe truck. Should have been banned off the road years ago."

Bella drove an old truck.

"I have seen her driving around in it before, even though she has a much newer car. Little silver Volvo. So ridiculous, she owns the most unsafe and the safest vehicles on the market."

Bella drives a silver Volvo.

"Such a damn shame. Charlie will be shattered to lose his only daughter."

Bella has a father named Charlie. She is an only daughter.

The facts added up but the answer evaded me.

My mind hung on to the word COINCIDENCE.

The girl on the trolley wore all black clothes, and they dripped with blood, far too much blood. The doctors were fighting and pressing and nurses were putting in drips and transfusing blood and everyone had that defeated, this is for nothing, look we all wore at times like this.

The girl who looked like Bella was losing her fight for life.

The room was full of noise and beeping machines that ceased to beep and went into an annoying constant ringing.

Flatline.

The girl like Bella had left us.

"Time of death, 11.27am."

The doctor pulled the sheet over the womans bloody and pulped face, or what was left of it,and all I saw was a head of short, bobbed brown hair hanging down where her head was almost hanging over the side as they worked frantically to get her back.

Everyone had stopped trying at once. One minute the room was filled with frantic energy and desperation and hope. The next, silence, hopelessness, peace.

I watched the doctor in charge who had stood unmoved as his fellow medico's worked and talked, as he walked to write on the chart.

"Who was it?" I asked in shock.

"Miss Isabella Marie Swan" he read from the licence and that was all I heard as I slumped to the floor.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

BPOV

I sat in the business class seat and wished I had the money to upgrade to first class. My nearest neighbor was a large man and he was clearly terrified to fly. The rank smell of his sweat assaulted my nostrils and made my own stomach lurch. I pulled my curtain of long hair around my face and managed to distance myself from his irksome presence. I was so glad I hadn't relented and given in to Alice's begging. A short bob would have been useless against this malodorous assault.

I reached for my purse and realized it felt awfully light, considering I kept about every important document I had inside.

My wallet was the first thing I missed. then my car keys, and passport, and drivers licence. Goddamn. When could this have happened? I never left my purse alone. Ever.

I had spent the last hour sitting in the departure lounge, and I knew then, that five minute nap that had overtaken me was the only possible time. Sneaky bastard. Took everything worth taking but left my purse so I wouldn't notice the theft until we were airborne. I suspected someone was stealing mu identity and feared I would come back to a stack of bills for services and goods I would never receive. The other me would.

I would ring Charlie and report the theft, as soon as I got to Renee's house. One thing, whoever stole my keys would never manage to steal my rusty old truck. It took me five minutes to get it started and I knew every nuance it possessed. A stranger would never get it to move.I have to get it to the garage and have those brakes checked because they seem to be sluggish and also gripping too much.

I laughed that my least valuable possession was my safest from theft. Everyone hates my truck but I love the rusty old bucket. It was my first car and even though I have my new car now, I still drive the truck at times like this. My other car would attract car thieves attention left in an airport carpark so long but never the red monster truck. It will be waiting, safe and sound, or unsound, when I get home again. I can't concentrate on anything as unimportant as trucks upkeep at present. My heart needs the upkeep more.

I allowed myself to slip into sleep, purse firmly at my side, under my armpit. Bit late now, but my instincts to hold whats mine tightly had kicked in and I protected that purse the only way I could.

My mom had been surprised to hear from me but she was looking forward to us spending some mother/daughter time with no men allowed. Not that I even had a man. Don't go there, Bella. You are on a break.

Phil was away at the moment and she was alone and as she hadn't yet started her latest obsessive hobby, she would actually enjoy my company.

I suppose I should have told Rose I was going but I was just fed up with my stupid, empty life and watching Edward move on had been too hard, the last straw.

I had stayed hidden in my apartment for the past week and it was stupid. I had to get away, rebuild my walls, talk some sense into my head and come back refreshed and ready to keep fighting and pretending. If I couldn't pretend, then I would simply lay my heart on the line and hope Edward had some compassion and didn't instantly kick it to the curb.

Unrequited love is annoying to the one who spurned the unwanted attentions but it was heartbreaking to the giver. I would simply ask him to help me cope and show me how to move on as he had.

Renee met me at the airport and announced we were catching yet another plane and going to a spa retreat for two weeks. She hadn't been able to reach Phil to tell him of our little getaway so he would not even know where she was if he rang in the next two weeks. I see where I get my streak of irresponsibility from. I was tired and smelly but I trudged behind her and fell asleep as soon as this plane took off.

Two weeks of uninterrupted bliss. Just what the doctor ordered.

Of course I dreamed of Edward and in my dream I was in his arms then walking down the aisle towards him again but this time my hair was flowing around my shoulders and he was smiling, not frowning.I was the one wearing the white dress and Alice was in the bridesmaid dress I had worn at her wedding. Rose was talking but I couldn't understand what she meant. She was begging me to call Edward yet he was standing by my side. He kissed me and we were in bed and things were back to where he wanted me and I wanted him. I can't change the past but in my dreams, I had agreed to date him outside of the club and we were now together and happy and nobody named Kate existed. Actually she was at our wedding but Edward had forgotten who she was and was surprised when I reminded him.

He pulled me in close and said I was the only one he ever loved. He was so close I could smell his scent of seawater, cinnamon and musk. He smelt as good as he looked.

"Come to bed, Bella" he begged and my clothes disappeared and I fell into his arms.

He kissed me in a way he hadn't really ever kissed me in life, full of promise and love and hope and confidence that we would be together forever. I felt his hands explore my body as his lips kissed every inch of me and I felt myself stretch out straighter and try to head those lips to where they needed to be the most. He was kissing me and pulling my clit into his mouth and I probably moaned out loud in my sleep but I didn't care and I refused to return to consciousness. No, not yet. I needed more. I almost felt him move inside me and I flexed my pelvis closer to his, and was lost in a mixture of memories and emotions. He kept eye contact as he made love to me then when it was over, he suddenly pulled himself from me and stood beside the bed. A look of pain and alarm crossed his beautiful face, alarming me.

Then he was lying on the floor and screaming my name and it woke me up.

What the heck was that about? I felt kind of freaked out. It was only a dream, for Heavens sake. Seeing Edward so distressed and in such pain really bothered me. It wasn't like that. Any old day now, he will be announcing his engagement to Kate probably and I will be expected to smile and be Bella for everyone to comment on, how I was so mature and handled everything so well. I would prefer to throw myself on the ground and have a major tantrum.

"Mine,mine,mine. I had him first, give him back to me."

Yes, truly I have become a truly mature adult.

**A/N Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. Pete and I were estranged for a few years but even so, expect my new chapters to be a little emo for a while until I snap out of it. My hubby is here for me as always and forever. His dad Joe is still holding on, but it wont be long now before he joins my dad. Guess what? I have a beta for Second Chance Singles Club so will get back to updating it soon as I can think of where its going next! I have hit the big time! Readers will be pleased now I wont be making so many errors, I already know I have to stop my Bella's drinking tea cos you folks drink coffee! Cheers,Lynzi**


	10. Chapter 10

The Club

Chapter 10

Aftershock Snippets

Various POV.

"I don't care if I end up directing traffic for the rest of my life, there is no way the Chief is going to see his daughter in that state."

"What do you suggest we do?"

"I know the coroner is away and so they will send a replacement from Port Angeles. I am about Charlie's age and build. You and I will identify the body. Just call me Chief and hustle me out quickly once I identify her."

"We could lose our jobs for this, you realise?"

"We could lose the Chief if he has to do it. Damn that ex wife of his to Hell. She has never been here when he has needed her. Now he is in hospital with a heart scare over his daughters death and where is the bitch? Off shooting whitewater rapids for Gods sake, her new husband THINKS. He doesn't even know for sure. That woman is just unreliable. The Chief is better off without her."

"Do you think he really wants the funeral rushed, before Renee is located?"

"He is the Chief. He says jump, we say how high. I am arranging for a cremation tomorrow then they can do a service Wednesday and follow it up with a memorial when the Chief is recovered and that stupid woman is located."

"Fine. I will ring and inform them that I am bringing the Chief in to id his child."

x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Jaz, I don't know if I can bear this."

"Shush, sweetheart. I will be right by your side. Bella wouldn't want you to fall apart like this."

"God, one minute we are walking through Paris and feeling the happiest I have ever felt, the next we have to rush home to bury my best friend in the world. It just isn't fair. She was so young and so full of life and I know she and Edward would have worked things out. He worries me, Jaz. I have never seen anyone so devastated."

"I know, sweetie. But we will all be there for him. He will be okay. It will take time."

"God, I hope you are right. I know Carlisle is beside himself with worry. He has Edward on suicide watch virtually."

"Edward would never do anything like that. I know he is hurting but he wouldn't compound the sorrow we are all feeling by killing himself. He will be okay, Alice, I promise you."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"Rosie, you can't go see her. The deputy said she was badly injured and has a lot of horrible wounds. Especially her face."

Emmett tried to convey the facts to Rose without letting her know the full horror of her friends fatal injuries. Her face was all but gone. Her body had been broken so badly, had she survived, she would have been sorry they saved her. Rose could not see the body. No way. Emmett would tie her to the bed before he let that happen. He had refused to see her himself, Charlie had suffered a heart attack and was in hospital, Edward was in a virtual coma state, Carlisle was panicking like hell about how to help his son.

Rose was not joining the list of casualties.

He answered his cellphone, still gripping Rose to his side.

She was not going anywhere without him.

"Okay, thanks.".He hung up and turned to face Rose.

"It's done. Charlie identified her and the coroner released the body. The cremation happens any time now. You can't see her, Rose. They are not letting anyone see her. Just remember her as she was at the wedding. She looked amazing."

"I am having that photo of her with Edward enlarged to put up at the service. She would have loved that photo."

"Knowing Bella, she would have had it printed as wallpaper. Put it up in her sitting room."

They laughed softly as they remembered their friend and her passion for life.

"Damn it, I am just so frustrated Edward didn't realize how much he loved her while she was alive. What a waste."

"I know this is not the time, but anyway. Marry me, Rose. Don't make me wait. Learn from this."

"Fine, Emmett. We can do this for Bella. She so wanted to see us married. We would have done it soon anyway, hey babe?"

"Definitely. But no waiting. I want to be married to you by next week. Something quick and quiet. Just us and Jaz and Alice. We can do the hoopla version on our first anniversary? Do the whole poufy dress and big cake thing."

"Emmett, I love you."

"I know, babycakes. I love you too."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"That was beautiful. And the photo Rose put up front. I swear, Edward snapped back to life the minute he saw it. I have a feeling Rose won't be getting it back from him anytime soon."

"Rose will want him to keep it. She has other copies."

"Do you really think Edward will be okay, Jaz?"

"Of course he will, baby."

"Where are we all meeting?"

"Esme wants everyone to go to their house. Charlie can't join us. Its amazing they even released him from the hospital long enough to attend the service. I swear the man's skin is gray. I have never seen the Chief look so old."

"I guess losing your only child does that to you."

"She was his world."

"His world and Edward's world."

"At least Bella knew how much Charlie loved her. To think she died before Edward got the chance to tell her."

"I agree with Emmett. He is doing the right thing, doing a quickie wedding with Rose. Its not the wedding that matters now, its the marriage."

"Thank God we have one good thing to look forward to."

"Do you think Edward will attend? I think it will be too hard for him. I am glad Rose has decided to marry on the beach and not at the same venue as us. That would have been too hard for everyone."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I sat in my car and watched. Alice and Jasper stood beside Rose and Emmett. Just a small group of family and friends attended.

I got out of my car and walked towards the wedding party.

"Edward, you came." said Rose, with undisguised joy. She flung herself into my arms and I tried to remember how to react. Close arms around her. Stand close.

She kissed my cheek and I handed her back to Emmett, who was smiling a small, quiet smile at seeing me.

I walked to his side and stood up for him, along with Jasper.

We were his two best friends. It had to happen this way.

Alice stood alone beside Rose. the only bridesmaid. We all felt the presence of the other bridesmaid. It was like she was there with us.

I waited until the ceremony was over then walked along the beach by myself and remembered the day I left Bella here alone.

If I could turn back the clock.....

I would have grabbed her in my arms and rushed her away and , I don't know, married her there and then? There would have been no regrets. We had things we needed to work through but we could have done it.

Kate had come to me several times since the accident but I couldn't even speak to her. She was a reminder of all the hurt I had inflicted on Bella. Alice had admitted, Bella did love me and was hurt by my involvement with Kate so now I cannot even look at Kate.

It was my fault, I let this happen.

Did she crash on purpose? Did she think she would end up in ER and I would attend and fall in love with her while she recovered? I loved her long before that, but I can sort of imagine Bella thinking this was a way to reawaken my feelings for her, as she imagined they needed reawakening.

The two Quileutes in the other car were over the limit for alcohol consumption and speeding and God knows why she was driving that bucket of junk when she had a perfectly good, safe car as well. Rose said she rarely drove it these days so what made her drive it that day? Did she think it would protect her in a crash?

It was laughable, if it wasn't so tragic.

Well, I have fulfilled all my obligations to my friends now.

I have attended the service and the wedding.

Now its my turn and I am sorry it will hurt them but I cannot live in a world where Bella doesn't exist.

Tonight will be my last night on Earth. Tomorrow I will be with her, in her arms, and she will be perfect and we will disappear and live together in that painting she loves, of the forest here in Forks, taken right on twilight. She loves that painting so much. She said it was her idea of Heaven.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

"No, no, no, try again."

"Carlisle, he is gone."

"Give it one more try. Charging, clear?"

The uneven beat of Edward's revived heart filled the room and Esme fell to her knees, crying.

"Steady. Give it a moment, it may regulate by itself."

The monitor beeped out the rhythm as it fell into a regular pattern.

"Thank God you found him when you did. That was close, too close. He needs help, Carlisle. he needs to be in a situation where he is helped by professionals or he will be back here and we may be too late next time."

"I know, I know. Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. I will make sure he knows how close he came."

"He's not in the clear yet but he has a steady rhythm. I think the next 24 hours will indicate if he caused any damage. But it looks good."

"Move him to a private room and he needs 24 hour supervision. Nurses around the clock. I mean constant supervision. No leaving him alone while taking a bathroom break or nipping out for a coffee. Get a replacement in first. Understood? 24 hour suicide watch."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

God, I am so glad to be off that plane. I had left Renee at Phoenix and flown back home alone, glad to no longer have to listen to her constant advice on how to handle 'the Edward situation.'

She changed her mind daily. I should bide my time, play hard to get, keep my dignity.

I have no intention of listening to her advice.

Chances are, Edward will be on a shift at the hospital and I am heading straight there. I will simply tell him I love him and leave what happens next up to him. At least he will know he has another choice. If Kate is not as perfect for him as she appears, he will know I love him and am willing to wait and let him sort his feelings out.

If he rejects me, well, I am no worse off.

I don't have him now, so I can't lose him. He isn't mine to lose.

"Hello, I am Bella Swan. Could you tell me if Dr Cullen is working at the moment?"

"Dr Carlisle Cullen has taken a few weeks leave, under the circumstances."

"What's happened? Is Esme all right?"

"Did you say Bella Swan?Oh my God. Did you say you are Bella Swan?"

Hmm, never had that reaction before.

"Yes. I am actually looking for Edward Cullen. I thought he would be on shift here?"

"I have to get someone. Please don't leave...no, come with me. I am not letting you get away."

I followed her into the elevator and wondered if Edward had told them to bring me to him if I visited. Maybe the last two weeks away has been a good thing after all. Maybe he missed me a little bit.

My heart warmed at the thought.

Was he as keen to see me as I was to see him?

We walked out of the elevator towards a private room and she opened the door.

**Please review. Cheers. Lynzi (5 minutes peace while the teens have the kid at the playground.)**


	11. Chapter 11

The Club

Chapter 11

Bella Loves Edward

I stood in shock and looked at the figure in the bed. It took me a minute to recognize him, looking past the wires and tubes and hearing the heart monitor bleeping out its regular rhythmic tune.

"Edward!" I screamed as I finally noticed his glorious copper hair, laying messily across his pillow.

"What happened? God, help me, someone tell me what happened to him."

"He attempted suicide, Bella" the nurse replied.

I fell to my knees and looked at her face, unable to understand her words. She pulled me back onto my feet and my legs shook.

"He tried to kill himself? Oh God, why? Why would he do that? Did Kate do something to him? What happened?"

"No, it wasn't Kate. It was you."

"Me? What did I do? I haven't spoken to him for weeks. What did I do?"

"There was an accident and a girl your age and size was killed. She was driving your truck. We all thought it was you."

"Oh God, my keys..I forgot to ring Charlie. Someone emptied my handbag at the airport when I fell asleep. I didn't realize until I was on the plane and then I just didn't care. I was away for two weeks with my mom. We went to a spa retreat. What 's that got to do with Edward?""

My cellphone was buzzing noisily so I left the room with a promise to return.

"Bella, they thought you were dead! Charlie is in hospital. He had a heart attack!"

"What! Mom, what do you mean? Edward is...ill. He had an accident. God, where is Dad? Forks Hospital, too?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Phil and I are on our way. I am so sorry. I should have made you phone your Dad and tell him you were with me."

"Mom, I am 25 years old. I don't report to Charlie any more."

"Well I wish you had. They all think you are dead. I got home and there were letters and phone messages offering me counselling over the death of my daughter! I was so scared it happened since you left me then I realized they were old messages. Phil was away, on the road. He didn't know why they were trying to contact me."

"God, this is so fucked up."

"Go find your Dad, sweetheart. He is in the cardiac unit."

"I will. I don't want to leave Edward. He's asleep."

"Then go find Charlie and go back to Edward after that."

"Okay. Fine. I have to call Alice. I wonder if she is back from Paris yet?"

"Darling, they had a cremation and a service for you. All your friends were there. Rose and Emmett are married!"

"Whoa. Two weeks away and all this happens."

"Go find Charlie then ring me back. I have to know how he is."

"okay Mom. Talk to you soon."

I returned to Edward's room and brushed his hair off his forehead and kissed him.

I don't care what Kate says, I am coming back and staying with Edward tonight. She can have a tantrum and try and throw me out but I am staying.

The nurse adjusted the drip and checked his vitals and assured me, he would not wake up while I was gone finding my father.

"He won't die, right?" I needed assurance.

"Not now you are back. He is out of danger at the moment. We were mainly concerned about the next attempt and that's no longer an issue. Hurry back though. He seems a little more aware.'

I promised to be quick and caught the elevator to the cardiac floor. My dad looked worse than Edward. As soon as he saw me approaching, he tried to struggle and sit up.

"Bella, Bella, am I dead too?"

"No Dad. You are alive. I am alive. Someone stole my truck and my id and I guess the brakes were worse than I thought."

I felt guilty, knowing I knew the truck had issues. I should never have driven it.

"No, it wasn't the truck. She was hit by a drunk driver."

Unreasonably, seeing she was still just as dead, I felt a little better.

"Dad, I was away at a retreat with Renee. I am sorry I didn't tell you."

"Its fine, Bells, you are back. You are alive. That's all that matters."

An orderly entered and announced Charlie had to go for some tests so I kissed his cheek and watched him being wheeled away.

I had to get back to Edward.

The next few hours dragged by with no change. The staff were incredulous that I was alive and I had visits from Alice and Jaz, Rose and Emmett, Esme and Carlisle.

The excitement of my miracle resurrection was overshadowed by Edward's condition. I couldn't get my head around the fact he tried to kill himself over me. I was truly horrified and wondered if my being with him was the best thing for him in the long term. Some day I would die, be it illness or accident or old age. He couldn't immediately kill himself. His mother Esme was so grateful I was alive, I felt extremely guilty for not knowing what had been going on and also very responsible for her sons state.

Night finally arrived, and along with it, Renee and Phil. We visited a much improved Charlie, who was sitting up in bed, beaming, and the doctors felt he would be released within days.

After visiting hours, I went back to Edward's room. They would need a police escort to have me removed from his side. Once the nurse filled his chart and left, turning the main lights out, I snuck up onto his bed and molded my body around his and lay there in the semi darkness and hoped he would awaken tomorrow.

I slept from complete exhaustion and woke to a pair of shining green eyes.

"Edward!" I cried out joyfully.

I cradled his face and kissed his lips, not caring that the heart monitor went berserk

"Bella. I love you." he whispered.

I smiled at him and assured him I loved him too. His hands were in my hair, trailing the tresses through his long fingers.

"I knew you would grow it back for the wedding." he said.

Wedding?

"Why are we in hospital? Are you hurt? Did something happen to us?" he asked.

I bit my lower lip and pressed the call buzzer so Dr Cullen could come in and explain everything to his son.

Edward looked up as Carlisle walked in, jubilant to see his son awake at last.

"How do you feel, Edward?"

"I am fine. Bella is fine. Can we go home?" he asked.

"I would like you to stay a few more days, son. Your body has been through a massive trauma. We need to test for any lasting problems."

"What happened? Why aren't we on our honeymoon?"

I frowned and looked at Dr Cullen. What did Edward mean?

A nurse entered and when she approached the bed, Edwards eyes lit up.

"Kathy, this is my wife, Bella. We got married on the beach and we should be on our honeymoon now. I wish my Dad would release us. Can you try and talk him into it?"

He watched her carry out her routine checks and frowned when she removed the dressings from his wrists so Carlisle could examine them and I gasped as I saw the two long vertical scars. He had done a proper job. He must have been found awfully fast for them to be able to save him. His doctor came in and examined the angry red healing scars.

"I gather this is Bella? Alive after all. Thank God for that. We won't be having any repeat performances, then Edward?"

Edward looked confused and was staring at his wrists.

"How did this happen? Who cut me?"

"Edward, son, we thought Bella was the girl killed in the truck crash. You, er, tried to take your own life." Carlsile held Edwards hands and looked into his eyes.

"No. I wouldn't do that." Edward protested."We just got married. Bella wasn't in any accident. She is fine, look at her, Carlisle."

"Yes, she is fine. You two aren't married, Edward."

"We are, we got married on LaPush beach."

"That was Rose and Emmett, son. You were best man."

"We aren't married?' he looked at me, questioningly.

"Ah, no." I answered, unsure what was the best way to handle his confusion.

Edward rolled away from me and lay on his side, staring at the wall.

"Its okay, Edward. We will get married, soon" I told him, wondering what Kate would have to say about this. I had to get him back, he was drfting away in front of my eyes.

"We are getting married? he said, with a spark of hope in his voice.

"Sure. Soon. On the beach if you want."

"Anywhere, Bella, anywhere. Now. I want to get out of here Dad. I have to marry Bella today."

Today.

Well, I had no other plans and I was all prettied up from two weeks of spa pampering. Why not? It was what I wanted but would Edward snap out of this and regret the marriage when he regained all his memories? What the heck, he tried to kill himself when he thought I was dead. If that wasn't an indication of his true feelings, what was? There was always divorce, if it came to that. I would let him go. It felt a little like I was taking advantage of the situation but whatever.

I knew the whole situation was unreal and probably it was ill advised to allow this marriage to take place but he was so eager and so broken. I had to fix him.

I kissed Edward and asked Carlisle if I could talk to him outside and we left together, after assuring Edward I would be back in a minute or two.

"Is he engaged to Kate or anything?" I asked.

"No, Bella. He and Kate decided they were best as friends. He has been pining for you. He left a note." Carlisle struggled to say the words. The horror was clear in his voice.

"What did it say?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"That he loves you and refuses to live in a world where you dont exist. And that he was sorry." he choked out.

I wrapped my arms around the doctor. He was just a father at that moment, scared for his son.

"Should I marry him today or is that too insane?"

"Do you love him?" he asked.

"Of course. I have loved him for a long time now. He is the only man I ever felt this way about. I have never believed in or wanted marriage but marriage to Edward is a whole different thing. I want it. I know we have issues but we love each other."

"Then, and I agree its insane, marry him. I can't lose him, Bella. It nearly killed Esme and I wasn't far behind her. He has to be happy and assured he has you. If you think it will work, then marry him. Today."

I could hear the desperation in his voice. He wanted to save his son.

This was crazy and maybe not the most well considered idea but I had to try and save him. If he decided later it was wrong, then my heart could suffer through a divorce a lot easier than if he dead. It was no crazier than a wedding in a Vegas drive through.

I hugged Carlisle and returned to Edward and sat on his bed and allowed him to wrap his arms around me.

"I want to invite a few old friends. Do you know Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett? " he asked me.

I told him I had known the girls for years and knew Jaz and Emmett for a few months now.

"And I want to invite Sabel, she was a friend of mine." he added and my heart sank.

God, he had forgotten. What was the best way to handle this?

"Edward, you know Sabel was my nickname when we were meeting in the club, right?"

He looked surprised and amazed.

"You are Sabel? But you are Bella. My wife. You dont go to sex clubs."

Oh dear, here we go again.

"We met at the club. You knew me as Sabel but you met me outside the club too and my friends call me Bella. My name is Isabella, so it can be shortened to Sabel or Bella. I prefer Bella."

He looked very confused and lets face it, my own head hurt and spun with all the knowledge of what damage our stupid game had caused.

"I had sex with Sabel. Can you forgive me? And there was another girl. The skinny blond one who wanted me to kiss her."

I froze.

He slept with other girls at the club?

"Anyone else, Edward?" I asked, trying to keep the sharpness out of my tone.

"Did I sleep with Kate? She wanted me to. She had sexy lingerie."

I knew about Kate, I assumed he was sleeping with her when they were dating.

My heart was starting to ache at this new knowledge.

What skinny blond? Why? He said he was only sleeping with me. It was getting too complicated. Would I be able to cope with all this?

Carlisle patted my hand and looked at me with a desperate plea.

I had to think.

I was no virgin when I met Edward. I had slept with randoms. Why was this knowledge he had too, so hurtful? Beacuse he did it after he slept with me? Well, with Sabel.

"When did you sleep with the blond?" I asked.

"At the club. After Sabel wouldn't date me. Sabel is nice, Bella. You will like her. I have her number in my phone."

He started looking for his cell phone.

"Carlisle, I don't think I can marry him until he realizes I am Sabel,too."

Carlisle garbbed my hand and told Edward we were going for coffee and would be back soon. he pulled me from the room.

"Explain" he ordered.

"Edward went to a club with Jasper and I was there and we met up, hooked up." I looked at him to gauge his reaction.

"Edward has only ever slept with girls he was in a relationship with.I have always respected him for that." he answered.

"Yeah, well this was a first. He knew me as Sabel. I didn't want to date him at the time. I just wanted sex. I'm sorry if this disgusts you."

"Bella, I had a life before I met Esme. I slept with women I barely knew, a couple of times. I cannot sit in judgement."

"Well, he didnt realize when he met me as Alice and Roses flatmate, that I was Sabel. He met me as Bella. When he found out I was both, he left me and never contacted me again unless he had to. He was very upset and thought I knew from the start. That club is so dark, I didn't know Edward was the man I was hooking up with and I only realized a day or so before he did. I wasn't deliberately playing games with him. Well, I hadn't told him Bella was hooking up at a club. He told me I was not that sort of girl. But clearly, I am. I have had sex with men I picked up in bars and dance clubs, and never saw them again. I am no virgin, Carlisle. But it shattered him. I don't think I can marry him unless he realizes and accepts I am Sabel too. We can't risk anything that would push him over the edge again."

"This does put a different light on things. Let me talk to him again."

He returned to the room and I went and actually bought a coffee then visited my dad.

My mind was on Edward, though and my curiosity about what was happening in that room caused me to cut my visit short and I returned to sitting outside Edwards room. I could hear raised voices.

"I don't want to marry Sabel. Bella doesnt even know Sabel. You are being insane. Forget her. And the skinny girl. They were just fucks, Carlisle. They don't mean anything. I had to know if I loved Bella. Will she need special permission to marry? She is only seventeen."

Crap.

I can't consider marrying Edward now.

Until he can remember and work through his Sabel issues, I cannot risk hurting him again.

Carlisle came out, looking aghast at me.

"He thinks I am lying. He thinks you are seventeen."

"I can't marry him today. Maybe never. He needs to realize and accept it all before we even consider getting married."

He agreed, sadly and left.

I entered Edwards room and lay beside him and listened sadly as he explained about his sex life with Sabel and the blond and how much he regretted hooking up with women 'like that' and promised he wwould never go to a sex club again.

I told him twice I had been to a sex club and would never go again but he refused to acknowledge what I said and just dismissed my words and kept apologizing. He was very keen for us to marry but I couldn't agree.

That night, I slipped into his bathroom and stripped off and sat on the side of his bed in his dimly lit room as he slept. I left the bathroom light on dimmed down.

When he awoke at around midnight, I heard him hold his breath and reach out for me.

"Sabel?" he queried.

"Yes, Edward. Its Sabel." I replied.

He traced his hands over my body and I responded to his touch.

He threw his pajamas off and I lay there and allowed him to enter me . I reminded myself I was doing this for a specific purpose but the feel of his hands on my body kept clouding my mind.

His fingers started tracing a circle around my clit and I sucked in a breath and tried to concentrate but the tightening had begun and my body shook as he pounded into me and excited my eager bundle of nerves.

"So good. So tight. So sweet." he murmured in my ear.

He pulled out as I came and flipped me on the bed and quickly entered from behind. His fingers kept my orgasm going and he chuckled in my ear.

"Always so hot and so keen" he laughed and started pushing in and out as he put his other hand on my nipple and started twisting and pulling it. The pain was so perfect a foil against the intense pleasure I was still rolling with as he refused to allow my body to calm down.

He slapped his body against my ass and picked up the pace, thrusting long and hard and teasing me into a frenzy. I didn't think I could take much more.

"I'm going to come inside you and fill you up with me." he warned as he shook and crept closer to his own release.

"I missed your body. You are so warm. You are so sexy. I can't resist you."

His fingers were everywhere and my body was reaching a higher peak than ever before. I pushed back against him desperately and he liked it.

"God, yes, baby. Push into me. Fuck me harder. I love you fucking me while I fuck you. Harder, yeah, like that."

His heart was racing and he finally released inside me, taking me over with him, yet again. I was trashed and exhausted and my lady's parts tingled and pulsed as he came inside me. I loved feeling him let go. I had missed this so much. Nobody made my body react like Edward did.

After he finsished, I turned the light on and he shook with fear when he saw me.

"Bella? Go away. I dont want you to see me like this. I woke up and Sabel was here and I forgot."

"Edward, I am Sabel. I am Bella and I am Sabel."

"Don't say that. You are a nice girl."

I sank to the chair beside the bed and cried into my hands. This was not going to work.

"God, Bella, I slept with Sabel again. I am so sorry. You have to marry me and keep her away. I don't love her, Bella. I love you."

"Edward, we can't get married yet. We have to talk about some things and work them all out and decide after if we want to get married."

"Don't you want to marry me, Bella? Is it because I slept with Sabel?"

"No, Edward. You have forgotten things that you need to remember before we can make that decision."

He started to pick at his bandaged wrists and a far away look came into his eyes.

"Can't you forgive me, Bella? I want to marry you. Please. Don't let me die."

Crap. I can't let him die.

That is the bottom line.

"Okay, Edward. We can get married tomorrow. I will arrange it in the morning. Maybe just outside here in the gardens?"

"I love you, Bella. Please keep Sabel away from me. I don't like Sabel. I am so sorry."

You are not the only one. I wished Sabel had died in that accident.

What was I saying? He was making me as crazy as he was.

The next day was a hive of activity and finally Edward stood at my side and promised to love and cherish me forever and I promised the same. He was happy and optimistic and seemed his old self at last.

One day this will all catch up with me, but for now, I am Mrs Edward Cullen. Isabella Cullen.

I kissed the groom.

A/N Please review and tell me if you want his chapter rewritten, it makes no sense when i reread it. Maybe I shouldnt write while watching Ben 10 with the kid.


	12. Chapter 12

The Club

Chapter 12

New Start

BELLA'S POV

Edward seemed perfectly satisfied now that the "wedding" had gone through and I hoped like hell I had made the right decision. Carlisle had convinced me, Edward was so close to losing it again that agreeing to a wedding was the only way to help him recover but there was no way any legal union could take place while he was clearly still of unsound mind.

Whether his problems stemmed from slight brain damage from the many times he had been revived after his suicide attempt or if he was simply in shock, remained to be seen.

The man who pretended to officiate was a psychiatrist and he truly had Edward's best interests at heart and he was guiding me on how to proceed now we were "married."

Of course, the knowledge I was deceiving Edward played on my mind a lot but as he still thought we had been married on the beach earlier, I felt we had not really added much to his confusion.

Once everything clicked back in his mind, if that happened, then we could work things out. I had a feeling he would want an instant divorce once he realized he had married Sabel as well, so this way there would be no need to involve lawyers and fight over assets, not that I had many but Edward was quite wealthy and there was no way I wanted to touch a penny of his money.

When he was released, we decided to find a new apartment that would be just ours and have a whole new start so apartment hunting was taking up a lot of our time. Alice saved the day by hearing about a little house that was about to go back onto the rental market after being renovated, so we had a walk though and decided it was perfect.

"Now we can have a baby, Bella. This is the perfect house for a family."

No way, buddy. Not happening.

It was one thing risking my own heart but there would be no babies.

The house sat high upon a hill and overlooked the beach so we spent many hours just walking along the shore, hand in hand. Whenever we came to the part where he had left me alone that day, he would pause and frown and try to remember. I didn't actively encourage or discourage him.

He started to write our names in the sand and I held my breath when the tide would swamp his words and erase the letters.

This being the way he first figured things out, I feared it may be a trigger.

That's what I want, isn't it? For him to remember and be whole again?

My mind wrestled with the idea. Maybe he would just forget and put Sabel where she belonged, in his troubled past.

I loved Edward more every day and our lovemaking was different to how he had been with Sabel.

We didn't male love at all until we lived in the house. He was still fighting guilt at having succumbed to 'her' again. I was sorry I had even tried that. I had expected it to the the way to show him who I was, but it backfired badly. Now he was punishing himself for his 'slip up' and as a result, he refused to allow us to be intimate for the first few weeks.

His instant dismissal of 'the skinny blond' seemed to make the whole incident irrelevant so I let it go and just put it down to one of those things. God knows, some of us have also done foolish things and can't throw the first stone. Dr Crowley, the psychiatrist assured me, Edward had no emotional investment in that girl and had simply used her to try and understand his own confusion between Bella and Sabel and he thought of it as such a non event, he didn't seek forgiveness. It was no more important to him than trying on an outfit and deciding not to buy it.

I had bigger problems anyway.

I cursed the day I invented Sabel but I couldn't regret going to the club entirely. Would we have evolved into anything simply as Edward and Bella? He certainly had shown no interest in me at first.

The hair thing continued to worry him so I got Alice to come around and braid my hair and put the wig back on me in front of him.

He shuddered and ripped it off me.

I didn't understand his intense reaction until Dr Crowley told me, Edward had seen the unknown car thief and mistaken her for me, as everybody else had as well, but it was too real for him.

"Never cut your hair, promise me. I never want you to cut your hair." he begged so I assured him that would not happen and he spent an hour or so each day, combing it after my shower, until it was dry and silky then he would run his fingers through it and bury his nose in its scent.

He started experimenting with different shampoo's, creating different flowery smells, and each morning he would handle each bottle before deciding if today was a rose petal day or a freesia day or was he in a lavender mood?

He became a little obsessed over my hair which the doctor felt was entirely reasonable.

Finally, the night came when he decided he had done enough pennance over Sabel and his encounter in the hospital, and he was as nervous as a kitten, wanting us to be together for the 'first' time.

I only wondered if it would trigger his memories but he was an entirrely different man with me, Bella.

I had been to work and rushed home when he sent me a text saying he was waiting and ready to move on.

My ladies parts were shrieking at the neglect that had endured while waiting for Edwards mental self flagellation to end.

I arrived home to a house smelling of freshly baked bread,and the tang of spaghetti sauce and he sat me down outside, on the patio overlooking the beach, and served his offerings to me. I hadn't known he could cook and had automatically assumed all kitchen duties myself.

The food was amazing and anxious as I was for 'desert' I found myself lost in the spicy meat sauce that covered the noodles and tantalized my taste buds.

He nervously poured wine for us both and I greedily drank down glass after glass.

Why were we letting this night become such a big deal?

I knew his body well, and he knew mine. Would he remember that detail?

Finally we sat together in a bubbling spa bath in the glasswalled bathroom, the best feature of the whole house, and watched the surf pound the rocks below the cliff.

He edged himself behind me and I felt his fingers tentatively brush my sides and the very outside edge of my breasts. He was so restrained and careful, which I understood, but my bits were screaming for me to just fuck the heck out of him so I struggled the whole time to respond timidly as he clearly expected me to.

Damn his image of me as a seventeen year old, probably virgin status.

I had given my virginity up at just that age but to a boy much less alluring than Edward, and had never been treated like I was a delicate piece of china.

Seth had simply fingered me for a minute or two then slid me beneath him in the back seat of his brothers car and it had been quick and painful and terribly messy and I was glad that was over and done with. We had stayed together for a few more months, until the idea he needed to add new notches to his bedpost overcame his desire for an easy lay with me, the one he broke in first.

The whole experience had jaded me. I had the ridiculous idea the man who took my virginity would love me forever so having to sit there at high school and watch Seth making his moves on other girls had burned me deeply and made me wary of being with other boys.

Then the night of the bonfire at LaPush beach. It was etched in my memory. I had drunk a little beer and was slightly fuzzy headed and I ran along this very beach, laughing and looking for Seth, an open bottle in my hand.

Finding him pounding into Jessica Stanley had shaken me deeply but soon, another local boy, Embry, had offered comfort and kisses and before the night was out, I had allowed him inside my body and thus began my life of sex with randoms. Embry had never called, although I had hoped for the next few days that he would.

The first time we ran into each other a week later, he had crossed the road to avoid speaking to me and I had finally got the picture. Oh, I was just a random fuck. Something to regret or dismiss in the morning. The smile had died on my face and I had somehow managed to keep walking and not look in his direction.

I stayed away from boys for over a year after that, not ready to share myself with men who would just use and discard me, but of course, along came college and keggers and handsome guys who acted like they wanted me for more than sex and I was soon sucked in again and again. Finally, I took stock and accepted, I would never be special to anyone. The best thing I could hope for was a night of passion, even if it was faked on his part, and I simply drifted into meaningless sex with strangers. Then the club had happened and though it brought me to Edward, it was meeting Edward outside that had made me long for a relationship and meaning in my life.

So this little charade was for me too. Finally I was loved and desired and Edward treated me like the most special girl on the planet. It was so new and good I found it harder to even care it was not real. It felt real.

His long expert fingers had traced a trail to my nipples, which stood hard and erect and I felt his erection behind me and shivered with anticipation at the delights I knew it would bring.

Painfully slowly, Edward stroked and caressed my breasts giving them enough stimulation to be tense with pleasure but not enough so I would fall into a frenzy and embarrass us both with me eagerness.

"Stand up" he whispered and I stood on shaky legs as he stood behind me and grabbed a towel and started to dry me off. I grabbed a second towel and dried the soap bubbles from his skin, paying a little too much interest in his large, hard cock and he bucked in my hand.

His eyes widened in lust and he started to kiss me, quickly turning a session of simple love and affection into a full blown mouth fuck of tongues and teeth and I felt myself needing to pull back and grab some air.

Damn lungs. Why didn't we have gills as well? They would come in handy at times like this.

Edward immediately realized what he was doing and gasped out an unwanted apology.

"God, Bella, I want our first time to be sweet and gentle for you. I am sorry. I was thinking of other things."

Or other partners? He had always let go completely with Sabel, lucky girl. She had been on the receiving end of a few hard fucks and God knows, Bella wants to be that lucky too.

I mentally warned my ladies bits to behave and accept a nice, gentle time and resigned myself to some very vanilla sex.

Damn, I hope we soon move on to the good stuff. Like tomorrow night. Would that be too soon?

His fingers were gently exploring my southern regions and I felt a spark of response begin straight away and rocked against his hand.

"Slowly, sweetheart" he whispered and I tried to think of other things as he pushed two fingers inside my virginal pussy that was having trouble remembering how touching up felt before it had been invaded by the real thing.

Once upon a time, I had allowed boys to simply feel me up, and had even gotten off on it, but now, it felt too much like a teenage fumble and I knew there were so many better items on the menu

Maybe you cant go back, once your body knew the full pleasure it was capable of.

I repressed the urge to sigh and waited as he looked at me in surprise.

Damn.

A little to damp for a virgin.

"You are so wet for me, Bella."

I smiled and tried to restrain myself but damp is damp and I have no control over how much my pussy wants feeding.

I ground against his hand, seeking friction. Come on, at least let me get a release by his hand.

He pulled back and asked me in his husky velvet voice if I felt ready for him and my heart leapt.

Oh yeah baby.

"Yes, Edward. I feel ready" I whispered, keeping the desire hidden.

He sat against the headboard and stretched his legs out in front of him and lifted me so I faced him and straddled his lap. His erection was sitting there, massively swollen and twitching.

"This may hurt. Sorry but its just something you have to endure, the first time."

I must remember to act like I was not experienced with many cocks before his.

He lifted me and gently slid inside, slowly, gently, and I stayed still with a great deal of restraint.

Once he was fully inside, he started to gently rock us and he was watching my face carefully, looking for signs of pain and ready to stop at the first indication.

I couldn't manage to fake deflowering, so I simply rocked with him and my walls celebrated feeling him fill me completely with his hard rock like cock.

Yesss.

He leaned in and kissed me gently, and I forbade myself from deepening the kiss. I realized I had a unique opportunity here, to redo my first time, and have it happen like I always wished it had, not in some fast unsatisfying fumble in a car.

We gazed into each others eyes and I smiled to reassure him I was in no pain, and he smiled back, kissing me repeatedly, and sighing as he moved closer to his release.

"I am going to touch your clit, so you can come first" he explained and although I was having lots of fun grinding into his pelvic bone, I moved a little to allow those magic fingers to create their magic.

I just wanted to come by this stage.

I felt him oh so gently begin to circle and tease and I threw my head back and felt the waves of pleasure start to invade my body. He was so good with those fingers.

As the pleasure became constant and I felt my orgasm take over, he reached down and tugged gently on my outer lips and the sensation blew me away.

How the heck did he think of doing that? I had never been touched during an orgasm before, usually the man in question was so intent on his own pleasure, I simply hoped he would hit something good and get me off by accident.

As I writhed on top of him, he whispered in my ear, making me gooseflesh all over.

"I am going to come inside you now"

Yes!

I loved feeling him let go and release. Knowing I made that happen was a source of pride and joy to me.

He kept eye contact and smirked sexily as he increased his pace and thrust in and out again and again and then he shook and filled me, as he cried out my name.

"Bella" never sounded so good.

I slipped a hand between us and gently cradled his balls and squeezed very gently. His hooded eyes flew open and he he rocked against my hand. I placed a finger behind his sac and rubbed there gently and he moaned out loud.

Damn it, Bella, that was genius!

Once he stilled, I tried not to blush and give away the tricks and knowledge I had gained via womens magazines. That one worked as well as they promised.

He withdrew from me and I lay beside him and smiled as he watched me intently.

"That was amazing. That was the best sex I have ever had." he said in obvious surprise and awe.

Go Bella!

Better than Sabel! Better than skanky blond. Better than his earlier relationships. Win!

We lay there kissing and he rubbed my breasts and had me hot and wet again in minutes but he led me to the shower and I had to endure having every inch of my skin gently, so very gently, washed and turned on so I almost hummed with desire.

When we returned to bed, he held me close and I tried to mentally send him a message to go for round two.

"I think thats enough for your first time." he whispered.

Damn, damn, damn.

Bloody deflowering.

It took me ages to fall asleep, my bits were all crying at not getting some more action, but watching this beautiful, partially broken man beside me filled me with love and I gazed as he breathed in and out and slipped into a deeper state of sleep.

Eventually I joined his slumber and I gave up all hope of some earth shattering sex until he felt I was broken in enough to pound me like he had Sabel.

Hopefully it would be a daily ritual and we would soon be at it like rabbits.

I awoke in the early hours when something long and hard constantly nudged against my backside. He was asleep but obviously having an erotic dream.

"Bella, Bella, I love you" he said out loud as he pushed against me.

Could I..?

Was it wrong to take advantage of the sleeping?

We were 'married'.

Was it bad to want to fuck the living daylights out of this beautiful man?

He wanted more. Clearly the gentle act we had indulged in had left him needy as well.

Maybe if I was asleep as well?

I shut my eyes as I turned to face him and accidentally lined us up, genitals touching. He grabbed my hips and pushed inside me.

Yes!

"I need to fuck you baby. I'm sorry but I need to do this" he murmured and slept on, and I finally felt that rock hard pounding I had been missing. I bounced back against his every thrust and he increased his pace and forced himself in deeper and deeper.

Oh yes! This was the Edward I missed.

"Fuck, I love fucking you. You are so damned sexy. I love your soaking wet pussy." he chanted and just turned me on all the more.

"Go baby" I answered and felt the tidal wave begin deep inside as he hit that spot and pounded it repeatedly.

Looks like Bella is truly a virgin no more.

The scream that escaped my lips took me by complete surprise. He had made me come by hitting my g spot before but this was wild and untamed and even more raw than when he fucked Sabel.

My whole body shook and he kept pounding so I kept coming. God damn, be careful what you wish for. My heart may just explode if he keeps this up.

My lungs were searing and I gasped in more oxygen but my movements just stirred him on.

"I love fucking you. I have to feel my cock fill you up. I'm coming, God.."

Yeah. Thank God.

He shook and froze and stilled as he spurt his load inside my pussy and I was glad it was over. Wow.

Every cell in my body had come, I was sure of that.

I felt boneless and lethargic and could not have escaped had the house caught fire.

He pulled out and rolled back away from me.

"I have to go now." he said.

I frowned and watched as he attempted to sit up, reaching around looking for his clothes, maybe?

"Stay here with me, Edward" I begged and pulled him back down.

"No, I don't love you. I love Bella. I have to get back to her." he replied.

Oh I see. So Sabel was getting the good stuff.

He struggled a little but I soothed his brow and he eventually stopped asking me to let him leave and he started to cry and beg forgiveness for fucking Sabel.

What the hell was I to do?

He needed us both, even in his sleep he linked her name with rough sex, and mine with gentle love making.

In the morning he woke up soon after me and I watched his face. He started and looked around, then his face lit up in a smile.

I took that to mean he was glad he made it back home and didn't stay at the club.

He snuggled into my body and his eyes darted around as he searched for his clothes.

"Edward, that was amazing last night." I said.

He leaned in and kissed me, a guilty look crossing his face.

"I love you so much, Bella. I can't live without you."

"We had some amazing sex at 3am" I informed him.

He frowned and blushed and finally raised his eyes to meet mine.

"You are Sabel" he finally acknowledged.

I waited to see if he threw me out the door or accepted I could be both, and that both loved him dearly.

**Please review, and tell me if this fixed that last chapter. Are we back on track? Cheers,Lynzi**


	13. Chapter 13

**For Jennifer.**

The Club

Chapter 13

Time and Tides

I sat frozen while I waited for his reaction. He stood suddenly and ran his fingers through his copper hair and looked down at me, his mouth in a straight line.

"I need to talk to someone."

"Who, Edward? Why don't you talk to me?"

"No, Emmett. I need to talk to Emmett."

He had made up his mind, it seems. He walked into the bathroom and I heard the shower going so I slipped out into the kitchen and set the coffee machine up. What to have for breakfast? What does the condemned man eat? Whatever the hell he wants.

I pulled out half a cheesecake and cut it in half again and slapped the oversized serving onto a plate and collected a cake fork as I walked outside.

Yum, cheesecake. My last meal as the pretend Mrs Edward Cullen.

Edward walked outside and stood looking at me. I couldn't decipher his emotions. He looked calm enough, but maybe I should still alert Carlisle.

"I'm going." he announced and promptly left.

"I will be here when you return " I said into the air behind him.

I was not running this time. Whatever happens, I face it front on.

I cleaned the house and found an old toothbrush to get into every crevice of the kitchen bench.

Whoever rented this place once we moved out would have nothing to whinge about when it came to cleanliness. I scrubbed and scoured until I noticed the benchtop was looking a little dim and scratched. Overkill. I stopped and wiped the cleaning products away and dried the benches.

By lunchtime, I was a nervous wreck and imagining all kinds of scenarios.

He had gone, left town, run away. He hated me, us, whatever. He rejected me again.

Would never speak to me again.

Damn it to hell.

Why didn't I leave him in his state of ignorant bliss? We could have gone through life with him assuming Sabel was just some woman he had fucked in the past, like the blond. She didn't have to be significant. Surely I could have been all things to him. All that he needed. Once he accepted he had 'broken me in", we surely would have moved on to wild sex. If only I had not been so needy and impatient. No wonder he has left me again.

As the sun started to set, I couldn't take any more. A whole day with nothing to occupy my mind but doubts and worries, and it wasn't ending. I couldn't bear to climb into our bed alone.

A walk. I needed to walk. I put my phone in my pocket on silent. If I have to call Alice or Rose and beg them to find me and take me to their places, I would use it. I looked sadly at the screen. No missed calls, no text messages. He had not even said Goodbye.

Not that I wanted to hear or read that saddest of all words, but it would have been nice to have closure. To know I had done all I could. To know he at least understood I loved him and needed to say Goodbye.

x x x x x x x x

Edward's POV

Sabel. Bella. Sabel. Bella.

One I loved fucking, one I just loved completely.

And she was both?

Something nagged at the back of my mind, like I knew this already.

I have to talk to Emmett.

I can't have a conversation with Bella about things I don't remember and don't understand.

Emmett was surprised to see me and when I explained my problem, he stood and looked at me.

"Shit man. You thought she was DEAD. Dead, Edward. Dead and fucking gone forever. Now she isn't fucking dead so you immediately want to whine like a little girl about her going to a fucking club where you fucking met her and fucking fucked her. Are you insane?"

"I hope not. Just confused."

"Well, if you would like to turn your mind back to when Bella was DEAD, did you give a fuck about her past history or where you met her or did you collapse and want to DIE because she was gone and you could never have her back? If you choose not to be with her over this, please allow me to help you next time you are feeling all like a damn emo and want to cut yourself."

This confused me further.

I had cut myself?

I picked at the scars and memories flooded my brain.

I gasped as I recalled being in the ER, seeing the mangled dead body of Bella, seeing her newly cut hair hang over the side of the trolley as the doctors worked pointlessly to try and revive her. Attending the service, walking to the front in the middle of it and taking the photo of Bella and I off the stand and holding it to my chest, clasping her image because that was all I had left. Pain ripped through my body as it all flooded back to me. I recalled attending the wedding on the beach when Rose and Emmett got married, standing beside Jasper, looking at a lone Alice crying because she was the only bridesmaid and she wanted Bella beside her,then deliberately planning my own death. The bathroom, the scalpel, the welcome pain, the blackness, the siren, the noise, the fight to stay while they dragged me back, the disappointment when my heart stopped and no Bella came forward to claim me. Giving up, letting them revive me because she wasn't there. Hearing voices as they cried and raged over me as I lay sleeping but fully aware of my surroundings. Bella coming to me, alive. Sabel sitting on my bed at night, me being with her.

God, those two dragged me back from Hell, from a pointless existence. I had been plotting another way to die until they came back.

A car accident, hoping maybe the reason Bella wasn't there was because accident victims went somewhere else, so I had planned to die in the same manner she had. I had to find her and instead she found me.

I turned and shook Emmett's hand, resisting the urge to kiss him in thanks for waking up my senses.

I had to do something to show my Bella how much I love her and Sabel. I have to face it, I want and need Sabel too. My emotional ties may lie with Bella but my body calls for Sabel and this way I get them both and can be guilt free about it.

If we werent married already, I would begin to woo her properly. Then it hits me, I never did woo her, not really. There is no reason I cant do it now.

I spent the day driving from one destination to another, buying flowers, rose petals, candles, ingredients for the perfect meal. I even went into a lingerie shop and chose a couple of stunnungly sexy outfits that were sexy but also feminine and hoped she would accept them in the spirit they were bought.

I love my Bella but her body does things to me that are not necessarily assosciated with love. But in our case, the two feelings are both there.

I used Emmett's kitchen to prepare the meal and by the time I drove home to our little house, twilight had fallen.

The sun was setting behind the ocean and the colors reflected on the waves gave a whole magical, other world feel.

Bella was nowhere to be seen so I quickly put the meal in the oven to keep warm and went to our bedroom to make up the bed with the new linens Rose had helped me choose then washed for me so I could use them tonight.

I placed the dozens of different sized candles on every surface in the bedroom and sitting room and dimmed the lights so we could see but were in a romantic ambiance. I placed the many flowers in vases until I had to resort to other containers, anything that would hold water and support the blooms. Every surface was covered in flowers and candles and the mixture of aromas from both were subtle but perfect. A mix of gentle scents hovered in the air.

The bags of fresh rose petals held way more than I expected and I covered the bed and the floor, just leaving a clear path for us to walk on

My Bella should be here.

Its now dark outside so I grab my phone and call her.

I got diverted to voice mail and for the first time, I started to think about how my behavior today may have appeared to her. I had barely spoken to her, after the night we had finally made love. As Bella and Edward. As a proper couple. Then I had also had sex with Sabel and had finally figured out the truth.

And I had left her last time I realized that same truth.

Was she thinking I wasn't coming home?

I hadn't contacted her all day and I should have done that. When Emmett made me really think and open my mind to the truth, I should have come straight back to her.

I opened the fridge. The plate that had held the cheesecake was completely empty and a lone cake fork sat on it. So, she had been comfort eating.

But where was she now?

Had something happened? Oh God, memories of the car accident flooded my head. What if this time she was gone for real? Forever?

I tried ringing Alice, but she had not spoken to Bella today. Apart from anything else, that saddened me. She should have turned to her friends. She had not rung Rose all day. I would have known.

Who else could I call? Surely she hadn't gone back to Charlie's? I rang and tried to pass the call off as merely keeping in contact and checking on his progress as he fully recovered, but by his voice I knew he wasn't fooled.

I rang Renee as a last resort but she flew into an instant panic and didn't help matters. I should have thought before I phoned. They had gone through a lot of dramatic emotional stuff over the accident. And Charlie's health.

God, what was wrong with me?

I sat at the table and held my head in my hands.

Maybe she just gave up on me.

Who would blame her?

Who in their right mind rejects the woman he loves for something as stupid as finding out she was also the woman you most like to fuck? And she had never slept with anyone else at the club. And she had never thrown a hissy fit over the blond I had used to test my emotions on. How would I react if she came home and casually told me, she had slept with some random just to see if it was me she wanted? I was many types of fool but lately, my foolishness was ruining my life.

"Hi."

I looked up and there in the doorway, looking lost and uncertain was my Bella. My Sabel. My world.

"Hi yourself. I cooked dinner."

"Okay. Are you alright?"

"Am I sane, have I come to my senses, yes."

"Are you staying?"

"With you? Forever."

I stood and took a couple of hesitant steps towards her. I wanted her forever but did she still want me?

I smiled ruefully and opened my arms and she smiled back and stepped into them.

"Bella, I have been a monumental idiot from that day at the beach onwards. I don't deserve you at all."

"I am not going to argue. I just wish you had spoken to me. So much of this could have been avoided."

"From now on, I swear I will talk to you first, before running off. That's all I can offer."

"I love you so much, Edward. You have my heart so please take care of it."

"I can promise to do that, from this day forward."

My words triggered something in her.

"Do you now remember everything?'

"Yes. I had the horrible experience of reliving my betrayal of you, your death, your return, my suicide attempt, the vast emptiness of being in this world without you. The way we met, both times. The love I have always felt for you and the need for Sabel. Its all clear and now its all fitted together like puzzle pieces. We are perfect for each other. Nobody can deny that. We will make this work because we both have what we want the most. Right? We will stay married and get our happy ever after."

"I think we will get that, now. But I have to confess. We are not legally married. It was a set up Carlisle and I agreed to do because we both love you and feared you were still teetering on self destruction if we didn't."

I was sorry to hear this revelation but on the other hand, it meant we could do it all the right way.

We could date, get engaged, fall even more in love if possible, marry, maybe even have children some day.

I wanted it all.

I wanted it to be right.

I wanted my Bella, all of her.

I want our future together and our happy ever after.

And it starts tonight.


End file.
